Saturday, December 31, 2011

New Year, New direction NEVER a new you....

So, I saw this quote on a Friend's FB page:
 It is not a little mending and alteration, a little cleansing and purifying, a little painting and patching, a little turning over a new leaf and putting on a new outside that is wanted. It is the bringing in of something altogether new, the planting within us of a new nature, a new being, a new principle, a new mind; this alone, and nothing less than this, will ever meet the necessities of person's soul. We need not merely a new skin, but a new heart." ~ J.C. Ryle
I have been turning this over in my head for a few hours now.  Thinking about where she's coming from with it.  It most certainly has been a rough year for her.  Lots of changes, heartache, and rearranging of just about damn near everything.
I guess I'm stewing about this quote, because I don't agree.
No way on this Green Earth would I ever want New.  I've learned way, way too much from all those bumps and bruises, nicks and scrapes.
I would rather build upon what I have learned, good and bad. Than to start anew.  I have been given to many gifts and things and people to be Grateful for to wish it all away and start anew. 
I will take what I have learned in this past year and add it to the new slate of a new year.
These things make me who I am, it shapes my views and insight, it shapes the way I love and care, IT IS ME.
Sure there are days in this past year I have woken up and would've rather rolled over, gone back to sleep and woke up on a different day.
I guess that is the point of approaching Croning.  Acceptance.  Loving who you are for what you have become, good and bad.  Knowing that there is always another day to make things just even a little bit better for yourself and others.
So, as I read all the post of the New Year and everyone well-wishing.  I will stew on what changes are necessary, but what I won't budge on is that fact that even the roughest of times will still be Blessings to me and mine.  Those times are when those that I love descend on me and shower me with Love, Concern and "You can do this"s.
There are no mistakes here, just redirection.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Let me hug you proper.

Typing at the computer this evening, Nae comes around the corner and hugs my arm.  I look at her and ask...
Me: Whatcha doing Nae?
Nae: Huggin you Momma.
Me: (As I scoop her up) Well, Let me hug you proper then.
I rock her back and forth and squeeze her tight.
Nae: Ummm, Mom.....This is taking forever!!! 
And we both end up in giggles!!!
Never a dull moment.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

The best one yet...

Well, it has come and gone.  It was pretty fast this year.  But this year, Nae and I got the best gift ever.  Trav took four whole days off of work, we had him at home for the 23rd-the 26th.  It was amazing.  I will beg and plead for him to take these days off from now on, as long as he is in this Field of work.  Its a slow time of year anyway and his boss was so willing to let him have the time.
Nae and I were a pretty spoiled couple of girls having his undivided attention for that long.  We were sitting watching a movie last night, she was in his lap.  I heard her say quietly,"I'm going to miss you when you go back to work Daddy."  She squeezed him really tight.  Trav hugged her back strong to his side.
We are so fortunate to have family that showers our girl with gifts this time of year.  It's quite ridiculous the amount of gifts one small child received this year.  Trav and I don't do much for each other.  I would rather fill the cupboards and feast on wonderful things than for him to spend an absurd amount on a ring or necklace I rarely wear.  So we focus a bit on Nae, fill the kitchen and belly's with yummys, lock ourselves in and stay in PJs.
Looking back on this one, I must say it was the most magical yet.  We are more aware of our Kansas surroundings, comfortable in our sweet little home.  And those four uninterrupted days with the two most important people in my Life have made this the best Holiday yet.  That, is the gift I won't ever forget.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Thankful Thursday...Yule

Yule.  Its a tradition my husband and I started four years before we had our daughter.  Another celebration in the line up for this time of year.  So we do Yule, then Noche Buena, and then Christmas.  I love it.  We have certain things we do to mark the certain days. 

We started gingerbread building three years ago and now have added Santa search to our Yule festivities.  Looking at this picture, what am I not thankful for??   Exactly.

Wishing you a very Merry Holiday!  From the heart of my home and the ones I love the most.

Bright Blessings,

Thankful Thursday...

I was thinking to myself this afternoon that I may have to dig deep to find something to write about on Thankful Thursday.  With Yule, Noche Buena, and Christmas just past, I'm sure everyone is tired of hearing about all those festivities.  So, old news and its only been a week!! 
Then, it hit me.  As I was putting my daughter down to rest tonight.  I noticed that she was in pajamas that my sister had given her just a few days ago for Christmas.   There a bit big on her, not by much and I'm pretty sure not for very long, but right now they are the cutest "too big" for her.
I feel like we're a bit stuck in this size.  Just a few months ago she flew past size four and is approaching the top end of size five.  So, I told everyone size six for gifts, to at least get a few wears out of the outfits before they are too small.
Anyway, I was noticing her too big pajamas when I stopped myself in thought and realized how grateful I am to be able to watch her growth right in front of me.  That, no matter how long it takes us to get to size six, I will be here to see it happen.  And I am humbled and grateful to see her grow.  Humbled and Grateful that the Goddess deemed me responsible enough to put this sweet creature in mine and my husband's care.  Its a happy/sad thing to know that we are on borrowed time.  That she is not mine, yet my responsibility until she can make choices for herself and do things for herself.
It breaks my heart that she can get her toothbrush, put toothpaste on herself and actually brush her teeth for a good two minutes on her own.  That my bath time duties have been reduced to getting the temperature right on the water, and that is it.  The kid can fish out her own toys, fill the tub, turn off the water and play all on her own.  She can clean up her toys, drain the tub, put her toys up, get out of the tub, dry herself off, and put on her pajamas all by herself now.
I'm so Grateful to be able to watch it happen.   I'm reduced to tears I'm so Goddess-be-damned Grateful.
Who knew this Thankful Thursday would be so emotional, well she will be five years old in two months.  I'm sure that has a ton to do with it.  Ever since December 24th, I think of her birthday at least once a day.
So, such is my Thankful Life.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Yuletide Magic

The household is up and running.  Everyone is awake, and either at work or on to stuffs of the day.  My daughter has become self sufficient in her morning routine and doesn't ask for much help.  Its a sad thing to realize, that she doesn't need mommas help as much anymore.  But, I'll always be here on standby.
With this new found self sufficiency, I have a minute to drink and enjoy my cup of delayed coffee this morning.  I decided to change my routine and pulled up a chair in the kitchen, near the window.  So I could look out at the dewy cold morning and watch the hustle and bustle of the highway and school traffic.
Its beautiful outside.  I noticed how the sun shines through my kitchen and the southeast side of my house.  I love that light.  The doggies do too, they are laying in its path in the house as I write this.  Its a morning like this one, I love to stop and reflect.
I'm not sure if it the time of year, or if its just what we have been through in the last few years.  But I find myself in a different spot of thinking than I was near seven year ago.  Times have been happy this past year, but it has been a really, really rough year.  No need to delve into it, everyone is struggling right now.
What I'm finding though, is that just as it gets to the point of almost unbearable, where the stress is going to make my eyes pop out.  I am filled with joy instead of heartache.  I'm positive that there are many factors in that change.  Our Life of Gratitude instead of a Life of Deserving, the Love I'm wrapped in, by my little family here, the family spread out all over this country, and friends that support and stay on me.  The chance to step away from a Life speeding by into a Life of a slower pace.
Part of it could be the time of year.  The holidays have a heftier meaning to us now that we have Naenah.  We've gone away from what the material things could be and are in a place of seeing the joy in the little things the holidays have to offer.
All of this together is what I like to call Yuletide Magic.  Mundane, and chaotic all at the same time.  Both lending its energy to a hum in the air.  There is no way to choose unhappy this time of year.  Its the same way with how I'm striving to look at life.  
I choose to be Happy.  Thereby filling myself with an empowerment that NO ONE can take from me.  Do I have bad days? Absolutely, I'm just choosing not to ride on the negative skirt tales of those bad days.  You see, no matter who you believe is your creator, they made you to have free will.
I'm taking my free will and putting a positive note out in the universe.
Laws of attraction abound positive if you give positive, but that is another post all together.
Love and Light,

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Thankful Thursday....Yay!!

So, here we are.  Thursday....Hello.   .....and I have SO much to be thankful for!!!  A lot has happened in this last week.  Somethings really good, other things disappointing, yet more things funny and way more things happy.  I'm not gonna go over all of them.
BUT,  I will take a moment to say Thank You to two new folks that stopped by this humble little blog last week for the first time. Tooje and SassyModernMom.  Awesome that you took the time to read my little blog, even more AWESOMENESS that you posted a comment!! 
Thanks to you both for stopping and giving me your input, but even bigger Thanks for providing me with two more wonderful blogs to add to my list of Must reads.
SEE!!! Being Grateful opens doors, gates, windows, mouse holes....the whole bit!! LOL
Seriously though, thank you.  And even more seriously, it really is about being Grateful.  My Life is one little tiny Life in the millions and millions that are here on this planet.  I'm grateful for having what I have.  Even if its not what the next Molly, John or Frank would think is worth it.
In other Thankful news...
My dad got to stop by again!!! Yay!! Another day with Family. 
My daughter has made her own vocabulary, she had me in stitches at least twice today.
My sister (Hubby's side) called to vent, I was glad I was there to listen.
My daughter gets the 12 Days of Christmas from my sweet Aunt, her first batch of little gifts came this week, it was wonderful to watch her get excited about the fact that Jay-Jay remembered her!!
Ahhh, Gratitude..LOVE IT!!!

How about you??  Name one thing.  Post it in the comments.

P.S.  One last thing, I watched my hubby sleep two nights ago.  Sap that I am, his peaceful look still brings me to tears. 

Love, Light and Bright Blessings,

In our heart to heart talks...

How do to keep living with a person that tells you everyday that you have not lived up to the standard that they keep for you? 
How do you keep looking that person in the eye when everything they do or say tells you that they are so totally disappointed in you?
How would you cope with being down on your luck, feeling in the dumps, that everything is a hopeless mess, that there is not really an end in sight?
You call you girlfriend.  That's what she did.  She called me.
This one, she has it in her.   The will to Live.  So much has been thrown her way.  She just keeps getting up and dusting herself off and moving forward.  She is amazing that way.  Her answer when I tell her she's amazing is" what other choice do I have??".  Well, she could choose so much worse, but she moves on.  Not always confident, but she moves none the less.
I always think that if I were in her shoes I would just lay down and quit."No you wouldn't." she says calmly.  "You would do exactly what I'm doing, keep moving.  How else can I do this if you weren't there to listen and tell me to get my ass up and move?!"
I think that she is one of those people that just won't let others dictate who she is.  Its rough on her when she sees the disappointment, but she has a persistent drive that propels her forward.  Toward what she knows is there, but is just out of her sight on the horizon.
My heart aches for her every time she calls with another hill she bounding.  To hear the agony in her tears.
Its not long though, and I have her laughing.  Seeing the short-sighted and obvious, "OMG, that is SO true!!"
I hope I can give her what she gives me each time we talk, love and understanding.  When in a world that is really down on its luck, won't give it back to her at the moment.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Thankful Thursday....Realization.

Living a Life in Gratitude has its challenges.  What I noticed changed the most for me, was that I went from worrying about what I keep doing wrong to seeing the things, even the little things, that are right about my Life.
I have forever been beating myself up over the things I do wrong.  The stuff I just can't get right.  The same things that keep coming back because I keep getting a step wrong.  I beat myself up mentally over those things.  What 's great about Gratitude is it really does change your attitude.  HAHAHAHAHA!! 
But seriously it does.  If you could take one whole entire minute of your day and think of the things that your are grateful for in that day, what would they be??  There is absolutely no way that after that minute, you would not be in a lighter mood.
If I haven't stopped myself in the week, I get to Thursday to write this post and I sit and think about the week.  I get a little lighter every time.
Nothing is too little, or mundane, or weird, or outrageous to be Thankful for...nothing.
I baked a chocolate cake this week and it made Trav and Nae smile with glee and excitement.
I text my wonderful aunt Thank you for the coffee she sent me.
I got to sit and have a meal with my dad, who drove seventy-one miles out of route to visit with us for a few hours.
I did Holiday arts and crafts with Nae, I did a lot of watching her in awe of how much she's grown.
I held my husband's hand as we both fell asleep one night this week.
I text my brother to let him know I was thinking about him in his job interview and that I love him.
I got to talk to my baby sister, well, she did more of the talking.  I just cried a lot because I miss her.
I talked to my middle sister on her way to work to catch up on her and her ongoings.
I text my other brother and he never has a problem filling me in on how my baby sister is.
I got to Skype with my family, they got to say Good night to Nae
You see, nothing is too little to be Thankful for.

Now, you try.

Bright Blessings and Happy Thursday!!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

The fun stuff in our little town...

If you ask most people, they will tell you the down falls of living in an area that is remote.  I say remote in a loose meaning of the term.  Fifteen years in California spoils a girl. And a boy for that matter.  Most of the places people live, they are no more than fifteen minutes away from, a mall, a grocery store, a movie theater, and restaurants.
We moved to Kansas and the reality here is, we are forty-five minutes from any of that.  There is a little grocery store here in town and one ten miles away.  But, they drive up prices and its not really budget friendly for our family.  The mom and pop restaurants that are in town, well, let's just say that we haven't really found one that cooks things better than we can make them at home.
These things would make most people fold and leave.  It makes some of our loved ones believe that its sub-standard living, that we are miserable and lying to ourselves about loving this small town. That is another blog post, for another time.
Then, in the spirit of whatever holiday is coming up, this town makes up for things tenfold.  The townsfolk really get into the holidays around here.
The 4th of July is big, a parade, fireworks, a carnival comes to town.  Memorial day and the county fair are combined into one big celebration.
Christmas is pretty sweet here too.  It begins with a Lighting of the town square, and a visit with Santa himself, Hot Cocoa and cookies, horse drawn carriage rides, music.
The kids even get a sack full of goodies after seeing Santa.
We walk two blocks to the festivities.

 On our walk to town square
 Waiting in line for Santa, my two favorite people
 Not bad for Mommy being sick, cute kid though
 Watching Santa come in on the Fire truck
 The man in red
Not shy at all, she made sure to tell him exactly what she wanted.

It was a fun night, with my favorite people, and that is what really counts.

Thankful Thursdays...

Its pretty simple today.  I'm thankful for modern medicine.  Even more thankful for a Doctor that works with me to keep me in meds that are in line with my allergies, listens to my concerns, adores my daughter and stops our conversation to answer a curious little girl's questions.  A family Pharmacy and the Techs there that don't let the insurance companies step all over the clients.
There is no way that we would get the same kind of treatment in California without going through dozens of Doctor's to find the ones that treat us well.  This is small town living at its best.
It has been three and a half years since I was this sick.  I remember, very clearly, how that appointment went.  Comparing the two visits, I was treated like gold this last time.
I open my heart and let the universe know how grateful I am.  Thank you.

When a mom ingores the signs of exhaustion.

This is what happens when Moms don't rest.

Inside of two months time, I help with Wedding stuff, hosted my Parents (Trav's side), planned and went on a road trip to ColoRADo, brought home and cared for a soldier(my sweet nephew), and nursed Hubby and the Nae through colds, planned and cooked a feast for my Little family's 1st Thanksgiving, started a new work schedule.

Then, I caught a cold.  "No problem", I thought.  Natural remedies worked for Hubby and Nae, they would work for me.
Not when you're beyond exhaustion. 
Sad part?  I push so hard, I don't even know what the signs of exhaustion are anymore.

I went three weeks before I went to the Doctor.
A respiratory infection.
She was quite concerned with my lungs and breathing.
Now, I have to take all these meds to get to health.

The Lesson?
My Aunt called to check on me.  She knows that Family is my Life.  Its hers too.
"You have to care for yourself Norma.  If you don't, you can't give your loved ones the best of you."
Truth.  The truth.

Now, I'm so tired...all, the, time.

Things are in the works.  I get healthy, Life better look out.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

In the wake of Thanksgiving...

Well, we survived.  Its two days after Thanksgiving and everyone else has posted a Thanks blog, everyone but me.  I had my hands pretty full.  I got a brand spanking new oven, and have been quite busy cooking away for our feast on  Thanks.  I hate mentioning it, but I have been sick for almost three weeks as well.  Four weeks ago, I got Nae and Trav through colds.  It took about five days total, they were good to go and I came down with it.  And it has stayed around for three weeks.  I cooked all that food and couldn't taste it.  Trav says it was delicious.  I'm glad that he enjoyed it.  I ate because I was hungry, not that I could taste anything and I still can't, then I ate some more because I was depressed that I could taste anything.
Sometimes, being the Mom and pushing through illness because everyone else is counting on  It makes homesickness worse, sickness worse, puts me a crabby mood, makes me feel selfish.  I hate that feeling. 
Monday is doctor day.  I have tried over-the-counter, home remedy, holistic, and this time it hasn't helped.  I'm  upset because usually it does.  So, I will go to see what a traditional doctor will say.
In light of this illness, I'm gonna take a few minutes to myself and steep heavily in Gratitude.  Even if I have been sick for three weeks, it could be far, far worse.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Its official, we are now Kansas residents...

It tried about a week ago to write a blog entry about our one year anniversary in Kansas.  The 12th of November marked our year here officially.  The laptop doesn't like me very much, I am horrible at typing.  I always hit a series of buttons that highlights, then deletes my pages and pages of rants.  I gave it a go three times on the damn laptop and finally dropped it and walked away.
Which is Fate's way of saying that the direction I was trying to go with that wasn't the way the blog entry needed to go.  I see that now.  AFTER a whole day of pulling my hair out.  So, now I write on my good 'ol trusty PC.  She never fails me and is very forgiving.  I love her.
When we arrived here, a  year ago, we came with very little.  Not that we have much to our names any way.  We sort of like living Life like that.  Just enough by way of comforts, but not so many that it feels glutinous.  Anyway, the very first thing we learned about living in Kansas was that most rentals here don't come with appliances.  So we quickly scooped up a refrigerator for a very great price, yes it was used, no we are not picky about used items.  We told ourselves that little by little we would get our appliances together.  Once we saved up the cash, Hubby let me get a washer and dryer brand new.  I love him.  Have I said that yet?  I don't know how anyone lives with out a washer and dryer of their own. Add to the mix that my husband works on the dirt crew at the landfill and you will see the picture of why I'm appreciative of washer and dryer.
We decided that we would forgo a stove/range (whatever you want to call it!)  until the new year.  Keep in mind Yule and Christmas were right around the corner.  We got electric skillets and bought a wonderful toaster oven, a wonderful slow cooker and a rice cooker(I'm half Asian, its a MUST).  I was positive I could make this work, that it wouldn't make one bit of difference on our festivities.  Hubby was a bit leery, but if I wanted to try, he was game to let me.
Guess what?? Yule, Christmas, and New Year's were AMAZING!!  It never really dawned on us that there was anything missing in the kitchen.  We baked cookies, eclairs, brownies, warmed ready made apple and peach pies.  We did tater tots, french fires, mozzarella sticks, BBQ chicken wings.  All in our little toaster oven.
It never affected our Shrimp boil for Noche Buena, Rib eyes for Christmas, Pot Roast(slow cooker) for Yule, New York strips for New Year's.  So, we just kept on going.   With out a stove.  For a whole year.
Yup, you read that right.  We lived with out a stove for a whole entire YEAR!  Don't get me wrong, I'm ready for one.  Looking forward to having it.  Trav bought me a brand spanking new one that will be here on Monday.  Its beautiful, I know I will love her.  There will be many wonderful feast cooked by her.
I have to say that I'm rather proud of this little family and the challenge we put ourselves through.  There is so much that we have learned in the past year.  About ourselves, about Kansas, about California, about Gratitude.
I look forward to cooking all the great things that our Mothers, Grandmothers, and Ms Delene have taken the time to show me or send me the recipes for.
One of my very first blog entries from Kansas, I wrote about being so disappointed with myself because I missed my can opener.  That I thought I could live with out material things, when in reality I was very dependant....on a can opener.
I do believe that this is Redemption.  Sweet redemption.
Happy 1 year Anniversay in Kansas My Little Family!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Thankful Thursday...

Our new dish brush.

 My sister thought that since Trav does a lot of the dishes, it would be fun to have a fun brush.

It is a lot of fun.

The simple things in Life.  Happy Thursday!!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Those who ooze Negative...

Have you ever been around a person that just oozes negative vibes?  You just feel it coming off of them in giant waves of nasty?  Man, I have one of those people in my Life. 
I know that there is so much in my Life I cannot control.  Unfortunately, this is one of them.  I have to deal with this person every single day.  I'm usually a cutter, you breath nasty thoughts, I cut your ass off and out of my wonderful breeding ground of positive.  This situation is much my complicated and I find myself upset that I put up with it and SO very much up to the challenge.
This is where I change to subject, for negative to positive.  For, the longer we dwell on negative the more chance that it comes back to us.
It makes me tired, physically.  To see someone put out so much in the dark than in the Light.  It took me years and many hardships to understand how freaking Lucky I am to be Alive.
I can see so many links to so much stuff in that Life that would be different if the attitude were different.  The approach, the way things were looked at.
Having been sick for the last two weeks, I had my share of self pity, which does NO ONE any good.  Frankly, I'm at the point where I can't stand it in myself.
Maybe this is the lesson in it.  No way will my Life ever be as rough or worse than the next guy.  I choose to see Light, feel happiness and joy.
Its a simple as a choice.  I choose Love and Life.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Thankful Thursdays...Halloween, Our Mermaid, and on to November

Pictures will do my Thankful Thursday justice this week.

CJ and Nae.  His first week here.  Lots of sleeping and relaxing, front porch style.

Our Little Bubble Guppie (I'm Not Little Mermaid, Mom!)
After a weekend of being so sick she stayed in bed, she was ready to go!

The Silliness that two cousins get into, by the way, this was Nae's idea.

So, there was a crap ton to be thankful for.  This is just a glimpse. This month is a month of Thankful post on FB. I know in my heart that I won't ever run out of things to be Thankful for.
Now that All Hollow's Eve is done, Happy New Year to those who celebrate.  Thanksgiving is really just right around the corner, Naenah, Trav and I will be carrying on the Traditional "Fried Chicken Wings" instead of a turkey, but all the trimmings will be the same.
Walking to the park the other day, she told me she was looking forward to Thanksgiving.
"Me too, Nae.  Me too."

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Thankful Thursday....The Pumpkin Patch, CharKenn and My Costume, MOM!!

Nae @ Poppy's Pumpkin Patch

We found the sweetest little pumpkin patch on a Mom and Pop little farm just fifteen miles from our little town.  The family was so sweet, the activities were all free.  A mini maze, pumpkin roll into baskets, a cute little craft shop, some of the sweetest friendliest cats we've ever met!!

Nae had a blast.  We walked with seven pumpkins and barely did $15 in damage!!  As we were loading up our haul, Nae strck up the conversation about her costume.

Nae:"So is Chi-Chi sending my costume then?"
Me:"Wha?" Why would Chi-Chi be sending you her costume?"
Nae:"Well, because she got me my pretty one last year, I just thought that she was gonna get me my costume this year."

Children, wow.
I thought it was pretty funny, so, I texted my sister the incident.
We both laughed, then she got serious and asked me to send her the link to the costume she wanted.
 Yup, that's right. 
Her Tia and Tio bought her costume....again.
Charlie said it didn't help that Kenn thought it was adorable when he first saw it.

What is her Costume??
You'll just have to wait and see.

So, we are thankful for the Village that helps raise our child.
That village consisting of wonderfu sisters, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins.

Thank you

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Thankful Thursday...

Thankful today....
For a husband who understands.
For a daughter who always knows how to pull me back to what really matters.
For a chance at a Life so steeped in Gratitude.
Good and Bad I will take it.
This Life is a wonderful one. 
I'm thankful of that today.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Thankful Thursday...

Happy Thursday!!! Or as my brother Kenny would say....Happy Friday Eve!!  LOL
I have had a few really long and serious post in the last couple of weeks.  So, today my Thankful Thursday is pretty short, sweet and to the point. 
We survived to Payday!!! Its a feat all in itself, and my little girl helped.  Which makes me bust buttons with pride, but more with gratitude.
AND   I had a very good sit down on the front porch with Hubby this morning.  It was a giggle session I really needed.  And I love that we can do that.
How about you??  What are you grateful for this Thursdays? Take a minute remind yourself of just one thing, I promise you that if you do, your day will good that much better.
Love, Light and Bright Blessing!!

Monday, October 3, 2011

When realization hits.....

I just had a total epiphany.  I was catching up on all my blog reading this morning.
I went to and she had this quote posted for her Friday Quote Day.
"The Value of a Man should be Seen in What he Gives and Not in What he is Able to Recieve." ~ Albert EinsteinThis is SO true!!  I have been offering help lately and its going unspoken for.  I have been thinking that there has to be something wrong with me that the help I offer just isn't being taken up.
So, today, I'm done worrying over it.  I have offered and its going snubbed.  There is absolutely nothing I can do if I'm not allowed to help. If I'm not let in to do my part.
It could be for foolish reasons, pride, stubbornness, allergy to help, near-sightedness.  I don't know, and finally I don't care.
I see my position at this very moment in the universe as a gift of being around to help when its needed.  If its not wanted or needed, then I will apply myself to something else!!
So, Thank you Cindy Lou Who.  That quote came at the perfect time, and the lesson has been learned!

In other news....
I have a nephew who is just about done serving his tour in Afghanistan.  I have wrote a Thankful Thursday on him in the past.  He is honorably discharged from active duty this month.  He will immediately go to see his Momma, watch a football game of his brother's, and then we are all meeting in Colorado for a visit with his great-poppa (hubby's grand pop)!!! 
I get to hug and poke the kid.  To tangibly touch him.  It sounds weird, but the last time I hugged him was three long aching years ago.
Three years.  If you watch the National Geographic channel tonight at 8pm, you will see what he has been through for the last three years. The show is Bomb Hunters: Afghanistan.
No, I'm not kidding.
Yes, he left a boy and is now a man.
What is the better news??
That we get to host him in our home.  He will be coming back with us from Colorado.  To decompress and get back to civilian life.  I have that humbling honor.  Naenah is beside herself.  Trav is relieved.
So many years I saw what my dad went through as he served 20 years in the Navy.  He would come home from a six month deployment and it took two weeks to get human again, let alone functioning.  I watched as the first week was almost always just sleep.  The next was eating and catching up with us kids, holding , hugging, watching us.
Again, that Not-so-great childhood is now the experience I have to help my nephew through.  So, its rest, relaxation and a S*%T ton of giggling for him while he's here.
Now that, my friends, it what this Family does right!!

Wishing you a wonderful, swift and fruitful week!!
Bright Blessings!!

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Finally, I let go.

I did something yesterday that I thought I would never, ever do in my whole Life.  I let go of a grudge so old and hurtful,  that I didn't realize it was hurting my Life.
I forgave my youngest uncle on my mom's side, Danny.  Its been more than fifteen years since his untimely death.  A death that left my grandmother with caring for six kids, his kids, all on her own.  Well, she's had the aid of my wonderful Aunt & Uncle.  And my parents have continued to break their backs financially to help provide for six extra mouths.
He died of sclerosis of the liver.  That's right, the idiot drank himself selfishly to death. Then left his mess for his family to clean up.  I, have been mad at him ever since. Mad is a very mild world.  For  years, the very thought of him taking the easy road and leaving his family to handle his business has made me shake in anger.
No more.
I always looked at it through the eyes of being left behind.  Not just his kids, I now realize.  But me.  He left me.  He may not have been the best person.  Drinking himself stupid, putting money down on cock fights and losing it all, snorting cocaine.  Yeah, I knew about it all.  He never thought I did, but I knew.
He was still my uncle and a favorite one at that.  He would take my sister and I to school everyday make sure we were safely there and home.  He always made us laugh, spoiled us rotten.
He had the single most brilliant smile I have ever come into contact with, well, that is until I met my husband and had our little girl.  Those two smiles are just plain amazing, thank you very much.
What I never did, is stand in his shoes.  Stop to think about why he did the things he did.  How scared Life made him.  How the guy never got any help, like there was any, for depression or drug abuse or alcoholism. How the future made him more anxious than excited.
I thought he was perfect.  He got caught up in trying to hide the real him that he ended up just hiding in one lie, then another.  Now, as a humbled adult.  Who has been saved yet again by the Graces of her daughter and husband, I get it.  I'm not perfect either.  I'm trying to step out from what society tells me to do, which is to blend, blend in.  No sudden movements, they might see that you aren't like them.  That you don't have as much, look as good, own as much, do as much. I'm trying to take back my Life and live Life behind the curve and happy.  But, that's not true, We have always lived Life behind the curve and have always been happy.  I'm just tired of smiling when everyone compares and contrasts.  Now, I smile truly and lay it all on the table.  You don't like?? Too bad, find someone else to belittle, it won't work here.
It hit me yesterday that if I live my Life by that rule, I had to let go of that grudge.  My husband and daughter see my blunders and help me through them.  Danny didn't have that, he just had everyone hammering on him.  Disappointment, head shaking, "shame on you's".  I got really lucky.  Then again, maybe Danny sent them both to me so that I wouldn't end up like him.  Maybe he knew how heartbroken I really was, even when I didn't.
Now, after letting go of that horrible place I was with him, I miss him.  He was my uncle, a good one, to me at least.  Why now? Why think about it even.  I have no idea.  All I know is I'm driving the thirty minutes to the grocery store yesterday with Nae in the backseat, thinking of her selfless act the night before. Giving thanks to the universe for her and my husband, thanking what ever force for letting them be my support.
When, out of now where I feel Danny sitting in the front passenger seat, comforting me.  And it all comes flooding back and out.  If he can forgive me, I can forgive myself.
Thanks Danilo Cabal.  I Love and Miss you.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Its Thankful Thursday.

So.  There is quite a bit to thankful for this last Thursday in September.  So many things come to mind, I'm having a hard time focusing on just one.
A year ago, I found this post on a blog site :
Wow, did it say just about everything that my husband and I were trying to tell the world and didn't know how!!  With our already on-going commitment to be grateful this just re-enforced our motto on Life.
I'm just humbled at the fact that is has been a year since I read it.  This piece and a friend's blog spot :
That led me to write my own Blog.
Life's road has been a bumpy one for my little family.  We moved to the Midwest to find relief.  What we have found more of since arriving is more bumps and challenges.  I could take the blows like every other person in this selfish world and ask "Why me?".
But, I'm not.  Do you know how lucky I am to learn this lesson repeatedly???  That I may not see it coming, but each time it arrives, I take a minute and realize that its here...again.   That I get to correct, tweak, shake my response this time around to learn that much more from the lesson.
I'm gonna stop seeing it as an AGAIN and start being grateful that I get the chance another time to see it in a different light and try to wrap by brain around it another way.
I don't care how many times in my Life this lesson comes back.  I get better at handling it every time it comes around.
Now, that, is something to be grateful for.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

To let go is to give ourselves the ultimate peace...

With all the commotion in the past month with my baby sis's wedding, the prep, and the execution of said wedding.  Its taken me about two weeks to come back to a balance in Life.  Its every bit as peaceful here in KS as I need it to be.  But, where my outside is peaceful, there is an unjust of the peaceful with in.
Its not anything that is disturbing the most part of my Life, but I know from past experience that if I don't let this thing go, it will festering into a negative part of my life.
I witnessed one of the people I admire the most become upheavals at the most petty things during this last month.  I wish it stopped there, they let this upset them so much, they forgot where they were and started ranting and raving in front of all the attendants in the wedding.  I would love to say that it was nothing, but it was something.
They saw me standing there and just went off.  Stomping, yelling, huffing.  So beside themselves that they yelled at one of the sweetest people we both know in the process.  Really, did you just huff off and slam a door too??
So beside myself, I was in shock for a bit.  Until I realized that they just embarrassed themselves in front of all the people that the Bride and Groom asked to stand witness with them.  Then, as emotions go, I got angry.
As a child I can see a reaction like this, but not from an adult.  One that I admire at that.  On a day so important on top of that. Mad at all the people but the ones they were upset with in the first place.
I still haven't had the heart to tell the Bride.  We were all with out so much sleep, nervous that all would go right.  I could've acted the cranky ass sister bitch, but I didn't.
Shaking from fury, I stepped away from it.  Only now to have it still bother me so.
I have to let it go, it was not mine to harbor in the first place.  Not mine to live with for the rest of my life. I can't say I'm not disappointed, I thought for sure that if there was anyone who would've handle that situation with dignity it would be them.
I guess not.
I guess part of it festering too is that I have not been honest enough with myself as far as letting it go. They are only human, so am I.  Mistakes happen, bad judgement happens.  I have to understand this as well.
Maybe its just as hard for me to let it go because I'm just as angry about it happening as they were at the time of the blow out.
I get it now, lesson learned.
Funny how it starts to lay flat and you can see it clearer when you write it down.

Monday, September 19, 2011

The King Wedding

So my baby sister got married a week or so ago.
I had the honor of marrying her and her hubby.
It was a small backyard wedding in the yard of our Grandparents homestead.
The recpetion was in a refurbished fruit packing shed in our hometown.
It was exhausting putting together all the little details of this wedding, but it was probably one of the best weddings I have ever had a chance to at.
Rita's and my own rank up there too! ;)
SO happy that they are hitched and moving on in Life together.
All of the Daughters Moore are now wed.

Congratulations Mr & Mrs. King!!

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Hello Kansas, I'm back.

 A month has gone by.  The last of the sisters is married.  The wedding was awesome.  So many people pulling together ideas and hands to pull off one pretty cool night of celebration.  We came home and had exactly one day to get things ready for a visit from Hubby's Mom and Dad.  Grammy and Poppa.
I was nervous about not having much time to prepare.  Goddess Bless my wonderful husband, he did SO much cleaning and preparing before he flew out to walk my sister down the isle!!  It made things so much more smooth in this visit!!
So, five weeks later and here I am.  Finally, a minute to jot down a quick post.  So much to be Thankful for these past weeks.  I will try to remember all of them in the coming weeks for Thursdays.
The fall weather is upon us in the Midwest.  I am ready.  Mentally at least.  Lots to do to winterize the house, but I'll get there.
Just a few trips planned for the next six months.  Gonna buckle down and stay close to home for a few years.  Lets face it though, I'm kinda tired of the travel right now.
New things holding my interest of late?, quite addicting.
Catching up on the Blake Family....Kaci is growing with baby!!! WooHoo!!!
Taking a better step forward in health WITH Hubby!!
Getting back on track with preschool curriculum for Nae.
Keeping up with my sisters and the families that they are growing in.
Plus all the small stuff in Life.
Quite Magical in its beautifully Mundane way!!
Wishing you the Brightest of Blessings!!

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Thankful Thursday....Tiny Babies.

My sister has a girlfriend that she has been friends with since they were the ripe age of eight.  That said girlfriend just had a very tiny, very healthy baby girl, Z.  This experience, although quite different from Naenah's, is still a story about being little.
Z is nine weeks early.  She has eight more weeks in the hospital before mommy and daddy get to take her home.  Low birth weight babies have a whole different set of challenges, add being a premie to the mix, the challenges pile up on eachother.
This kid is a fighter, she was born with everything in working order.  Although, because she's so young, its hard work some days to remember to breath, eat, and pump a little heart all at the same time!!  She's doing it, one day at a time.
I had the wonderful opportunity to catch up with Z's mommy the other day when she called to fill me in.  I'm so grateful to know Jess, and in a few short days I will get the chance to meet Z for the very first time.
Thankful this Thursday for Tiny Babies.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Cali Bound

A weeks ago, I started gearing up for our final trip to Cali.  I say final with no finality.  Two weddings in one year equals alot of expense.  Expense that my sweet husband was all too willing and glad to allow.  I forget that they are his kin as much, if not more, than they are mine.  I forget that as their brother, he hoped and wished for the day that our girls found the loves of their loves too.
Because of all of the traveling this year, we have decided to stay home bound in the next few years.  Travel will be closer to our home here, if any at all.  We have only one thing on the books for next year.  Our third oldest nephew's graduation in Salt Lake.  Other than that we will be home.  I state this because a few weeks ago, I started to think about the things I would miss about Cali.  All the places, hang outs, local eateries things like that.  What I wanted to visit this last time, to hold in my memory until we get back there again.
Now, that its tomorrow that Nae and I board a plane, I realize its not the places I will miss.  Its the people.  I have decided this morning that I'm gonna spend some real quality time with folks that matter most to me.  They will know who they are and I will know even more if/when they take the time to sit and visit.
Here's to lots of memories to hold us over!!
We're goin back to Cali, to Cali.  Goin back to Cali!!!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Thankful Thurday...MiliBrats Community

Okay, so if you read my last blog you will have a hint as to what my Thankful Thursday is...MiliBrats Community!!!
Okay, here's the back ground.  I have been able to reconnect with a group of people I never EVER thought I would be able to reconnect with again!! The ones that remembered who I am have been sending me friend request on FB.
One of the guys, Rob Mahan, started a GDHS Class of 1994 group.  Which is great! Because if everyone in that class could choose, we would have graduated from there as well.  Sadly, the class of '92 was the last class with the honor of graduating from George Dewey High School. It was closed down after the reckoning damage of the explosion of Mt. Pinatubo.
We have had the best time reconnecting.  Rob posted a statement the other day that went something like this..."What if this is all a dream and I wake up back in Mr. Pollard's World History class!!!"
I stopped everything I was doing at home and posted comment after comment on this status.  It was like the flood gates of memories that I pushed into a room in my head and close the door on, had just busted down said door and came rushing back!!
So many amazing people have found me, ones I thought for sure would never remember who I was.  Cut off from them and this community for so long.  I'm thankful to be a part of this elite group.  These kids know how good/hard/amazing/different it was to grow up on that base.  How life is with a Filipino mother, how different yet wonderful it was to grow up in a biracial home.
Thanks to Rob Mahan for putting me back in the loop, feels like home.  Even if the place doesn't exist anywhere but our minds and memories!!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

MiliBrats,The PI, and community

I have had the most amazing honor to reconnect.  A part of my youth, that I thought I only would have memories of has surfaced.  I have recently had the opportunity to reconnect with people who had the EXACT same experiences as me growing up.
I know, I know, you think to yourself that childhood for most is the same.  We grow, learn, and become the people we are through the experiences of our childhood and youth.  Yes, we do become who we are from our experiences.  But as any adult will tell another, those experiences are different for just about everyone. Being a Military Brat is as extreme as it gets as far as experiences go.
I have said before that I'm a military brat, I have explained all the moving.  How that affected me emotionally.  But, what I don't think I have been able to convey, until now, is how lost I was after my family hit Life stateside.
We were not a family that got to go where everyone else was that we were stationed with overseas.  We went far away from anyone that we had contact with.  My dad didn't do this maliciously, he did what he thought was right.  He knew how much the world was changing, how different it was from when he grew up.  I think he thought that if he brought us home, to where he grew up, we would have a fighting chance at a Life less interrupted by corruption, of all kinds.
That meant some really serious displacement for myself and my sisters.  My middle sister hit her stride here stateside.  Clubs, sports, choir, Cum Laude, the whole bit.  It was hard to be one of the ten non-white kids in school, but she trudged pasted it. The baby sissy, so adaptable.  She is still like that today!!!
Me, I felt lost.  Out of place.  Thank the Goddess for those few people that helped me adjust.  If you are reading this, you know who you are.  I'm so grateful to have had you looking out for me then and a really lucky girl to have you in my life still now!!
I got into contact with a few kids I knew in the PI, Philippine Islands.  If there were ever a group of MiliBrats that are in, and of themselves, this is the group.  We talk now and then on FB, then one of them started a group site on there.  More folks found me....I KNOW....ME!!!
We have been reminiscing ever since.  For so long, I have been without contact.  I really didn't think any of these people would remember who I was.  As the requests started coming in, I had an overwhelming sense of relief and hope.
Relief, that all those wonderful memories and friendships were not dreams.  Illusions that I had made up.  They were in fact VERY real!!  And those ghosts of people so fond in my memories were indeed alive and very, very well!!
Hope, because as a mistisa, (half white-half Filipino) growing up in a white dominated society, you sometimes lose yourself in it all.  Your white side goes on overdrive and you forget that wonderful and CRAZY Flip side.  I can't remember how many times I told my mom I feel lost and with just a few stories of the province and life there, I would remember who I am.  Thanks Mom.
Still, it was a grand way of Life there on Cubi Point/Subic Naval Airbase.  Most of the kids there were halfsies like me, their moms had crazy habits just like mine.  We looked like each other, knew what kind of pressures were waiting at home for us.
I feel like I have been given back a place in a very elite community.  It didn't matter to MiliBrats if our dads were different ranks, or that officer kids lived in a different part of housing.  We were buddies, even if we weren't in the same circles, we still rallied in circles for each other when we had too.  Which leads me to my Thankful Thursday of the week....hope you stay tuned.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Thankful Thursday!!

This is the result of having a husband that takes care of his family.
A New-er Family car.
Which rides like a luxury car!!
Because to us, IT IS!!

This is the Precious cargo that this new car transports.

This is the man that I'm thankful for. Who makes sure that we have what we need.

"Enough is abundance to the wise."
— Euripides
There was a time in my life, that there was always, bigger, better, faster, stronger. Somewhere along the way, I got tired of always trying to keep up.  I just wanted enough.  Now, living with just enough, I'm happier than I can even begin to describe.
I'm thankful for enough.
Happy Thursday!!

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Follow up to yesterday's post

So, the teachers conducting the tests were so good at making it fun, that Nae didn't realize she had said her ABC's three time in a row until half through the third time!!
She had a blast, she tested beautifully.  However, because her wonderful father makes enough to support us, we don't qualify for any of the programs.  Sad, that she is good enough to be in school, but there is no school to take her.  I got a little more than miffed at this fact yesterday.
Today?  I stick by my idea to take it slow with her.  There are things that we can work on at home, and if she doesn't get school structure until kindergarten, then that is the way it should have gone.
I can give her back this year of leisure, one with no worries before Life begins to ascend on her. 
Summer will be lazy and restful, we pick up in the fall.  After dust from traveling settles and we are at home with a routine.

Monday, August 1, 2011

As She grows...

Today, almost a whole year before my girl has to go to school, we are going in for our very first learning assessment test.  Its offered free here by the school district.  It benefits a Bridges to Learning program here in town.  Really meant for children with learning disabilities and things.  Sometimes they take in kids as mentors to the others.  Ones that are up to par in their learning , but have the patience to help the others along.  A friend of ours thought that Naenah would be a good fit for such a mentor.  But first we have to take the assessment test.
I called last Friday for a an appointment.  They gave us 10 am this morning.  We have been telling Nae since Friday night that she is going in and they are just going to ask her some questions.  Her replies have been mixed.  She was okay with it, then goes to not wanting to go, then says she won't say her ABC's for anyone but me.  Anxiety.
She is having the assessment, and I am the one that is nervous!!!!!  Oh man, being a parent has been easy up until this very moment.
As a kid, I hated going to school.  Once I was there, I was fine.  I loved it.  But waking every morning, I always had anxiety.  Every. Single. Day.  Until my last day of high school.  Now, my worry is that the poor girl will have the same issue.  I spent many nights as a little girl crying myself to sleep because I didn't want to leave my mother's side the next day.
Funny how having kids brings back both good and bad memories!!  To ease me this morning, my husband told me we could always home school her!!! Poor guy, he'll say anything to ease me sometimes!!
Sad part about all this?   Naenah is gonna take her first step into the ranks of learning and thrive, my worry is for not.  She'll be a busy bee and love every minute of it.  It was the same worry I had when I thought that she was gonna be too shy as an only child.  That was SO far from who she is!!! LOL
I don't know how my mom worried about three girls, worked full time, and carried a household by herself nine months of every year those first ten years my dad was away in the Indian Ocean on a boat for the Navy.  I have a hard time coping with just one.
Here's to a Life just beginning and to all the chewed up nails her mother will have before then!!!
Can you believe that she wasn't even 5lbs when she was born?!!
Man-o, I really love her.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Thankful Thurday...the Pups

These gorgeous wonders are our Furry Children.
Still puppies believe it or not.
They are only two years old!!
Leelu is the white one and she is 70 lbs of  puppy.
Percy is the brown one and she weighs in at 60lbs.
They have another year before puppy hood is officially done.
We're hoping the Lu only has 10lbs left and that Perce is done.
We rescued these two from deathrow when were only about eight months old.
The single best thing we did for our whole family.
They babysit the girl, she pokes and prods ears, noses, and mouths and they are so patient with her.
We are a family that lets our furry kids live IN the house with us, sharing space.
So many sleepless nights, they lay at my feet in the middle of the night.
I'm so thankful that we had the chance to take them in.
We, as a family have been through a time when it was tough to find food for ALL of us to eat.
But they stuck it out with us.
I love them for it, grateful for my fur babies.
Happy Thursday!!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Life's Ups and Downs

My hubby and I have been through quite a few of these patterns in our lives.  Both together and apart.  Our apart years are slowly growing way out numbered by our together years.  We met when we were nineteen years old.  Two completely different childhoods, two ways of looking at the world.  We bashed heads for a few of our first years together, thank the Goddess he's a patient man.
I have learned so much from him.  I can't even imagine not having him by my side.
He was a little shocked the other day when we were in the throngs of a discussion, and I told him that his gift of calmness and patience is what most people would die to have.  That I have been trying to learn that from him for the last 15 years!!
Just in the last few weeks, we have had quite a few friends get hit with devastating news.  Some of the news are things we could never imagine happening to us, other news, we've been through and are now looking at life on the other side.
I see alot of the reactions to the things that are coming from these folks from the news.  I wonder how different the reactions would be if the went through the process in a positive light instead of negative.
I told a friend the other day, because she was worried about being too negative about her situation, that it only becomes negative when it no longer helps you to heal, when its excessive.
We were given emotions to help us through our plights, not to restrain from using them. So often we believe that we have to restrain from using our emotions, when in fact the gift of emotion is what helps us heal.It was a very difficult thing changing our point view to a positive one, it is hard to stay on track sometimes.  I find now, more times than not, putting myself back on the positive train, than jumping off.  I can promote this way of thought and life all I want, but those who want it have to be open to it.
You have to want that change, keep yourself in check.  Fall down and allow yourself a minute to regroup, then pick up and get going again.
Are you up for that?  Can you give yourself that?  I can't answer that for you, the first step is yours to take.  What I can promise is if you decide to take this leap, bounty will abound sweet friend, bounty will abound.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Thankful Thursday...

Me and Nae, just a month ago, so glad I still get moments like these.

I have this amazing friend, who just got amazing news.
They are gonna have baby #2!!
Its been awhile, and they have been trying and trying. They kept thier struggle quiet and now they are over the Moon!! Their Daughter Elly is SO excited.
I'm Thankful this Thursday for the chance they get to have Baby #2
So happy that I get to witness thier happiness, and even if its over the internets, I get to watch her grow.
Congratulations Blake Family!!!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Thankful Thursday

So, its Wednesday morning, and I have actually thought of what I wanted to be Thankful for a whole day ahead instead of just the night before!! I know, I KNOW....I'm shocked too!! LOL
I try to get up with Hubby before he leaves for work.  My reward for that is great chatting time with him on the front porch before his carpool gets here.  AND, he makes my cup of coffee for me!! I know, SPOILED!!  I'm always grateful for that time, but that is not my thankful Thursday item.
Sometimes, its rough getting up to spend the time with him, but try and stick with it.
After he leaves, I have at least an hour of glorious quiet time, before the Nae jumps out of bed.  I can catch up on FB and all the Blogs I follow.  READ!!! And get a few minutes to organize my thoughts on how the day should go.
I would not trade Nae the Whirlwind for anything, I love her for that.  But I'm thankful to have to time to myself.
Happy Thursday!!

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Its not really pain, its not really agony....its just really annoying!!!!!!

For those of you who actually read this poor blog, Good Morning.  I will start this one with a warning, I'm gonna whine A LOT more than usual in this one.  You may stop reading now if you wish.  I love you anyway. LOL
I have been fighting a tension headache since Thursday morning.  I went to bed with a slight headache last night, and woke REALLY early this morning with a headache that wouldn't let me sleep peacefully.
Hubby was up getting ready for his Saturday shift.  I didn't realize how much it hurt until I sat up. 
I went to the bathroom for Excedrin and peppermint oil (its soothes a migraine/headache faster than ANY drugs).  I tried to open my mouth to take the oil, and.......  my jaw joint snapped from a lock!! 
Hello TMJ, nice to see you are wanting to join the Headache party.  What's that? Sure, come on in.  There's plenty of room.
In tears, I got to the kitchen for a glass of water.  Trav about fell over, I never cry from pain.  I got the peppermint down and the pills.  Got a blanket and sat up in his chair.  Throb, throb.  In five minutes the headache started to subside.  Muscle tension.....from the front of my chest up my face, top of my head, down to my middle back.  LOVELY.
The muscles INSIDE my mouth ache!!!  As I sat there, feeling all of the ache, I realized it had been a very long time since I had felt this horrible.
Seven months of not trading a monthly massage has made all the aches and pains come back full force.  I had done SO much damage to this little body.  Over worked for years. So many overuse syndromes.  So sad.  I think back to all that hard work, trying to keep up with the boys, pushing to do even better than the best one there.  Trying to out do my own bests.
I look forward to growing old with my husband, yet I fear the with age my body is gonna break down to something pretty ugly.
I write this squinting from the glow of the light on the screen, wiggling my jaw because I can't feel the lower part of my face its so numb.
I stopped to assess if I'm in pain, nope. 
Back to my old mind frame.....Its just annoying!!!!!
It needs to hurry up and go away, I have Transformers to see today with the family!!
That's gonna be a LOAD of fun with this headache if it doesn't go away. :)
What's that? No thank you, I won't take Life lying down.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Its Thankful Thursday!!!!!

I was surfing FB this morning, and noticed that there are A LOT of people going through some really rough stuff at this current time in the universe.  A ton of major stuff, in all different lives all over the world.
It's a rough day this Thursday.  Trav's Sis got hit with some rough news.  I got a text from her early this morning.
Today, I'm grateful that I was there to walk with her through the first rough steps of her news.  I'm Thankful that I love my sister-in-law like she is my blood. She is, after all, my sister.
I'm honored that she can lean on me, that there is something I know that I can do to help her through.
Things for all those will get better.  Just glad I can be helpful.

Always Grateful,

Sunday, July 3, 2011

A Life rethought...

Do you live a Life of Gratitude or a Life of Deserving???
I wonder if anyone will really know the difference if you have never heard my"terms" before.
I have been thinking about our families commitment to live in Gratitude.  Some days are harder than others to keep the positive out look.  Yet, in the last five years, I believe that the transition has been the single most moving thing in our lives.  I say moving, because literally Gratitude moves With you.  Or, rather, YOU move with it.
This topic came to a head today while out on the front porch reading.  It has become one of the most comfortable places to read, talk, relax.  Nae goes in and out of the house to check on Trav and I.  Today, she crawled up into my lap as she normally does.  I was relishing the moment, loving that she still loves to sit there.  She put her hand lovingly on my face, and in a blink of a moment my life and time stood still.  Its no longer a chore to be grateful for these things in my life.  I could feel the gratitude flow out of me, honored to have a little moment with her in my lap.  Just as a half hour before I had that the feeling as I sat quietly next to my husband and watched him read in grateful silence to be able to sit with him this way.
This is our attempt at Gratitude, I describe to you what I try to do, but my husband does the same things on a daily basis.
We led a Life of Deserving for so many years.  Looking at Life as though we deserved every little bit of what Life offered us.  Selfish and thoughtless to the fact that we were digging ourselves an emotional hole of debt.   New car? Yup, we worked hard we deserved it.  Eat out?  Yup, we had the money, we deserved.  New clothes? Why not, I already had a bunch, but I deserved it.
Even now, writing these words, seeing SO many still not "Getting It".  I'm so attuned to think just how grateful we are to have learned this lesson so much younger than if we stayed ignorant.
Don't get me wrong we still get the fact that new cars, eating out, and new clothes are good things.  But these thing are about necessity and in a Grateful mind frame, you think a lot more simply about those things.  A newer car, safe and reasonable.  We can make it at home better than most restaurants.  I just need the one tank top really. I don't need to get the same one in all the colors just because I know it'll be comfortable.
It has a lot to do with finishing your race with the Jones's.  We live a a society where we always believe we need to keep up.   Trav and I let go of that years ago.  We have always ran behind the curve, and have never really felt all that bad about it.  Our own pace, our own Drummer.  Now, seeing how different our relationship is, with each other, our daughter, our families.  Yeah, a Life of Gratitude was always in the cards.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Thankful Thursday....

Today has been a rough one.  I have been choking back tears and horrid feelings and thoughts.   I didn't see any of it coming, I feel blind-sided.  I have been trying for the last few days to dig through it all and figure out the root cause.
.........  I'm homesick.........again.
The funniest thing about that?? I leave for home in a month and a half!!!   I know, I KNOW!!!  This sucks, you just never know when it'll hit.
I'm thankful today for Naenah Hugs.
For those who get it, you'll understand what I'm thankful for.
I love you Nae.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Our mortality

I had my baby sis call me and give me news.  It was sad news.  One of her dear friends from high school passed away yesterday.  She had only weeks before her Wedding Day.  She is survived by a pretty little girl, and a loving Fiance.  She was a choir singer and band member.  Charlie and this gal loved everything about singing, dancing, and music. 
It has been a while since Charlie had seen her, yet there was always FB there to at least get a "Hi"or "Hey" in.  This news shook me baby sis pretty roughly.  It got her down to the core.  It wasn't that she was the best est of friends with this sweet girl.  But just that, that she was a totally sweet girl.  Not deserving of such a short walk on this plane of existence.  I can understand my sister's strife.   How much that can hit home.
Charlie is only a few months away from her own Wedding.  Even just a few short years from starting a family with Kenn.  So many things that they both have been looking forward to as a young couple.
It rocks your little orbit when things like this happen. 
You remember just how truly special and important Life really is.  Its a shock to your system when you realize as an adult that your Immortality has slipped and your just like the rest of the world.  Mortal.
Twice in my Life I have been rocked like this by the passing of two completely different individuals.  I was shaken to the very core of my human soul.  Realization hit me in the face.  First was a co-worker 11 years ago.  He was taken to the Summerlands violently, in his failed efforts to help a family member.  Then, I realized my mortality.  How fast things can change and no longer be what you thought they would be.  I refused to where black to his funeral.  Instead I wore White and Blue.  Pagans wear white to honor the dead.  If there was anyone that needed to be honored that day with this tradition, I was gonna honor him in this way.  He would have understood.
I never saw it coming, how overwhelmed with emotion I would be in a Catholic church and have the sorrow of loss over come.  Trav and I sat at the very back, I wept like he was my only brother.  As Trav held me close, we looked up to see others from work in the same state.  People who were much closer to him that us, overcome as well with the loss.
I realized that day I would have to start living Life much more happy.
The second time I was taken to me knees with heartache was just two short years ago.  Way back in the day I dated the sweetest kid.  Younger than me by a year, we had no idea what this dating stuff was about, but we stumbles through this crush and had quite a few funny and sweet moments.  I got to know his family.  His older sister looked out for me at the high school.  His mom and dad were so helpful im getting us to functions and taking time out of their day to give us rides, take me home safely after functions.
The day before my family left the Philippines, Him and his parents came to Manila to see us off.  I was taken aback by the kind of support that this family had for one an other, it was obvious they would do anything for each other.  I didn't have that kind of a family.  As the kids, we did what we were told and asked for nothing extra.  We were grateful to get what we could, again ask for nothing.
That his parents would make the trek with him to let him see me one last time, I was humbled, shocked, grateful and really out of sorts.
Over the years I would think about that family, and as I became an adult, I realized just how much that family really cared and respected each other.
I had just had the chance to reconnect with his sister on FB.  SO, happy to be in the loop again with this amazing family.  I had heard he had married, had two beautiful girls, and was going on at least fifteen years of service in the Marine Corps.  So happy to hear!! He had found his Happy Ever After too!!
Then the news came of his fight for his life in the VA hospital and his untimely and all way too soon passing.  I. was. devastated.  
For him sure.  But for who was left behind, SO much more.  That family was tight.  Him with his immediate, but him with his siblings and parents also.  None of them deserved such a loss. 
Even still as I write this the air gets sucked out of my lungs and tears form on my lower lids.
Life has no promise of forever.  As I have emotionally witnessed with these two passing. 
I make myself important enough to wake and realize that everyday is a sweet and generous gift.
I hope that Charlie will be able to take that from her loss.

Friday, June 24, 2011


Being a Stay A Home Mom, is a whole other dimension of existence.  I have always been a worker bee. From the time I was twelve, I have been working/volunteering.  The first year as a candy striper for the Red Cross in the Pediatric ward of the naval base we lived on.  The the next two summer I was hired as an intern for youth in the Peds ward and OB ward.  Its all history from there, I have always worked.  I knew that even after having Nae that I would have to work to make it in Cali along side the hubby.  I even worked two jobs while pregnant to make sure we were on good footing.
Then the job market took a dive and I lost my day job. My part-time job was making okay money and for the next three years  I worked part time and stayed at home with baby.
Now, in Kansas, I have had the amazing opportunity to be at home full time, and it is EXHAUSTING!!!  Oh my sweet Goddess.  I thought I worked hard when I worked!!  This SAHM business is tough!!
There is always something to be done, you are your own worst critic, and the To Do list is never empty!!
I'm painting and decorating the old house,( before and after photos to come in another post) on top of regular responsibilities.  Jeez, I'm tired. 
Most days I'm on top of it, but there are some day where it just gets away from me.  I could get down on myself, but instead, I write.  I take time to refocus. Learn the lesson and move on.
I have trouble finding time to write, whether its for my blog or a chapter in one of the many novels I have going that I swear is gonna make us millions!! LOL  I just don't see how the other SAHM, have time for blogs and Cookies and Sewing.....BUT if its what you love you find time.
Like today, I sat down after hubby left for work and the inspiration hit me....result??? Three blog post ready to go.  Now, if I could just find a topic for Thankful Thursday, I'd be good!! :)

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

How many times do you stop in a day???

I found myself stopping a lot this last weekend to take it all in.  Just look up from my book and look around.  Listen to the birds, feel the wind on my face.  I had a wonderfully lazy day on the porch reading.  Nae would come out every hour or so to check on me.  She'd crawl up in my lap, I'd put down my book and just be.  With her. Trying to memorize her face, in awe of how she has grown, excited to see how she will progress.  Coffee on the porch with Hubby is the same way, life flies by and this is our one moment in everyday that we take to just sit and be together.  I get that every morning with him.  Granted I have to wake early when he goes to work to achieve it, but its so worth it.  I try to take a few minutes everyday to sit with Nae in my lap, which most times ends up being at least a half hour and a TON of giggles.  If we're lucky we end the day on the porch again just in the "Be" mode.
I lucky to be able to notice and take the time to just look around and be.  I wasn't always fortunate enough to take that time.  I remember times in my life that I never looked up from what I had going on in a day to take notice and be in wonder and awe.
Glad that Hubby and I have changed our path, reached an Enlightenment of sorts. That we can look at the most Mundane things in life and find their magic.  Can you say that you can do that?  I dare you to try.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

The heat, a slip n slide, and Nae.

This is how the weekends are.
Nae gets a painting session on the front porch.
See Poppy's Trailer in the background??
We were letting have a nap.

She loved the Slip n slide!!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The make over continues...

So, here are a few more projects I took on before Mom (Trav's) came out to visit.

This place needed paint so bad, I took that Moonrise color and put it in the hallway and the bathroom, then I painted an old cupboard in the kitchen and made it new.  Take a look see for yourself.

This color difference is what happens when smokers live in a house!!

My helper!!

After TWO coats of paint with primer!!

Again, it is beyond me why they did this.

On top of the dark blue they flecked it with white!!

And now, all fixed

This cupboard now makes the tiny kitchen look HUGE!!

This is the after pictures of the bathroom, new paint, shower curtain and floor mats.

Paint is magic! :)

Maybe that is why I've been so emotionally off kilter, I'm tired from all the make over stuff!!!