Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Two years on the Summerlands...and I still miss the hell out of you.


St. Patty's Day used to be a fun holiday.  You would nose around in the kitchen while I made corned beef, mashed potatoes and cabbage.
Too bad you never got to taste it, I know, you had the odds stacked against you from the start.
That didn't mean we loved you any less.
Its two years later and I still hurt to think of life with out you.
So much happy stuff has happened, I know that you were probably part of why, because we have you and Pop looking out for us.
Its time, it does hurt less, the memories are so much fonder.

But, I would be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to the day I cross to that sweet, green, grassy field and see you sitting by the Feasting Tables waiting for me.
Miss you GumBear

Monday, March 14, 2011

My husband and his gift....

In the middle of texting my husband today, I realized another truth about my life.  So many years, I have wondered what it really is that I was put on this earth to do.  I was to be his wife, be Nae's mom, be the eldest sister to my sisters.   We walk in circles for the better part of our 20's trying to figure out who we are, society telling us "you better figure it out, and don't take so long."
Not all of us can be the precious cargo, some of us are the ones that keep that cargo safe and put together.  As we age, a "wising" seems to occur.  We grow patience, courage, knowledge, understanding.  Then, there are others who are born enlightened.
For many who knew my husband as a boy or a teen even, they are probably thinking that I'm a little on the nuts-O side.  Yet, if you take a minute now, spend an hour or so with Hubby, you would see it too.  

I know now, that my path was to cross his so that I could learn from him.  Its in the way he looks at things, a completely different angle than I ever would. (Thank the Goddess for that!)  There have been so many times that my temper, insecurity, guilt would have led me to lash out with hurtful things. 
Enter, Running things past Travis.   I always start that conversation with, " Okay, I have to vent..... am I blowing this out of proportion??"   Mr Calm and Collected, "No, your valid in the way you feel, have you ever thought about it this way though? .....
Yes, this is when that "Ah ha" moment enters.  Its such a completely different way of looking at the situation that I can't even be mad anymore.  That emotion blows right through me.  Awe and wonder take its place.  One, for my hubby... "How does he do that?!"  Two for the shear realization of what he said, to look at it this way instead of that.
He is constantly doing that, things of enlightenment I will find, take to him and he will calmly say, "yeah, that makes sense, or I can see how that would be."
A frustration came up today in our texting , not one of of his.  I KNOW!! He hardly ever complains....about anything.  So I knew that this was something really bothering him.
We have had our fair share of REALLY hard knocks.  The list is probably very similar to so many other both couples and singles in this world right at this moment.
What I admire about my husband is his unspoken oath to take and leave everything in the now.  He rarely lets anything last past bedtime in a upset state.  I willingly try to do the same thing.
We love whole hearted, and let go of sadness and hate fast.  It has been a bumpy road to understanding, but one so rewarding and simple it makes me wonder why we didn't get it sooner than we did.
Dawned on me today that I have him and Nae to keep safe.  The treasures they hold and gift willingly to those who will listen will be priceless lessons.
I told him today that he was where he is for someone to learn from him just like I learn form him.  He isn't a gloating man, he knows that there is a lesson in everything for him too.  Yet, I believe that even with all his bumps and bruises in life.  His friends, his true friends know how much they learn from him too.
That enlightenment is hard to get him to see, Life Experience is what he would call it.  Whatever you want to call it, I'm going to keep learning, with every breath.
I am not the precious cargo, he and Naenah are,  I'm the one who keeps it safe.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Thankful Thursdays, Lesson learned.

I was going to end this day disheartened.  As I go on planning a Bridal Shower for my sis Rita, I have been on cloud 9.  I have thought out and planned, dreamed and planned some more.  I'm so excited to be doing this with my baby sis for Rita.  She has finally found her perfect match, he is wonderful for her.  And her for him.  I may have had some blinders on and didn't see clearly on some of the planning so far.   I am so wrapped up in all the love I feel for my sister that I forgot to look around and see if anyone was feeling a bit left out.
Turns out there was.  She has made her presence known.  As we plan, she nit picks and knocks us down a few notches.  Sure, it wouldn't be this way if she did it.  It would the right way.  Her way.
Too bad, I'm the last call on it.
I'm thankful for the lesson tonight.  A few of them really.  One,  I really do have to consider others, even if it is my project. Two, let it go.  I can't make them all happy.  Three, I can learn from it, be aware and move on.
I'm Thankful for the
I'm moving on!! :)