Saturday, February 23, 2013

She is can that be?

Happy 6th Birthday Naenah Delane!!!

She turns six today.  How can that be?  It was only yesterday that we were in the hospital eagerly awaiting her arrival.  Twenty-seven hours of labor, she fought so hard to be with us.  That first forty-five seconds are still played in slow motion in my mind.  No heartbeat, no breathing.  Non-responsive.  I can hear clear as day the Peds Doctor walking through all the steps to revitalize Naenah on the other side of the curtain in our birthing room.  One short little zap to her heart and the greatest sound I have ever heard rang through the room.  Her cry.
Travis and I are forever changed by that cry.  The fact that she chose Life, and us.  How can that not leave me dumb-founded every year on her birthday.  She is the single-most real tether to what really counts in our Lives.We try to do our very best to never forget that.  
She is persistent, head-strong(thank the Goddess), curious, and kind.  Wise beyond the years she has walked this plane of existence.  She is full of Love and never shies at telling you just how much she loves you or giving the hugs to prove it.
She is our Blessings.
I pray and reflect all too often that I will do her justice.  Be what she needs.  Or, at the very least Die trying.
Ships of gold, caverns of diamonds. Those things are nothing to the richness I feel at having a chance to be Naenah's mommie.
I never thought I wanted or needed anyone to love me so unconditionally as Travis has.  So patient and persistent with his love for me.  Its made me grow into who I am.
Then, Naenah happened.
You may not believe me, that I don't know what it is to be without material things, that I don't know what I'm talking about.  Trust me, I've been there.  With nothing material-wise.  Even then I was richer than most.  Why?  Because Travis and Naenah love me.  That simple, that true.  
I'm full with Gratitude that I get to witness and participate in her growth and enrichment.  Thankful that she has a forgiving heart, just like her Daddy.  That I can make mistakes and she loves me through them.
Six years.  Wow.

I love you Naenah Delane.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Happy Valentine's Day!! Happy Thankful Thursday!

Wow,  lots of Haters out there for this day!! Understandable.  But what do romantics with kids do on Valentine's Day?  Some take the evening to steel away to dinner just as a couple, or lunch for that matter.  Some plan whole weekend get-aways just for two.
Kelly Ripa and her husband take their kids out to a nice dinner.  I loved that idea.  And although Ms Ripa hit a chord with me with her Pit Bull bashing she did on her show, I still admire that her and husband make Valentine's Day special for the whole family.
That is what Nae and I do.  We make dinner for Daddy.

 Dinner Table all set for tonight's Family Valentine's Day Dinner
 Decor all over
 Naenah is showered with gifts this month of February.  Family sends from miles away.  Lucky Kid
Even the windows get love on Valentine's Day

So, it's not just a day for couples.  At least not in our home.  Like most things in our home, we include our daughter.  Another day to show each other just how much we care about each other.  There is bound to be a ton of giggling and squealing with music in the background.  Cheers!!  Happy Thankful Thursday.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Thankful Thursday....

I'm beside myself at the moment.  Its only 7am in California, the appointment isn't until 8:30 their time.  Today, just a few days before my 37th birthday, my sister and BroLaw find out if Baby is a Boy or a Girl!!!
I have been told to hold off of any purchases until we knew the sex of the baby.  Today, IT. IS. ON!!!  LOL  I have plans man....Big Plans.  This is my first time at being an Auntie.  I'm Auntie NomNom, by the way.  I'm so freaking excited!!!!
And beyond the moon Grateful.
This Thankful Thursday is SO steeped in Gratitude.  For Friends who handle opinions with such amazing Class.  For Family who call to check in, in times of saddness and heartbreak.  For people who give of themselves to enrich others Lives.
I needed to hear those voices on Skype and the phone this week.  To see the "Likes" on FB on my updates.  It all made a difference this week. 

Judgement its ugly and I really don't like it

I had to do a horrible thing yesterday.  I had to take a stand for myself.  How is that horrible you ask?  It meant I had to tell someone I love that they weren't treating me fairly.  Still how is that horrible you ask?  Its taken me a whole day to figure out why I was so upset over doing.  And of course, as usual, I see it when I'm enjoying Life's simple pleasures.  It came to me while I watched my daughter skip off to the playground this morning.
You see, to me, if I have to do that.  It means I have to pass judgement.  I hate passing judgement on others.  I have been victim to unfair judgement all my Life. I was a mess yesterday.  I just had to confront my dear sweet friend.  There was so much to be Joyful for these next few days, I couldn't go into them with a heavy heart. 
So, I did.  And I felt worse than I did harboring the unfair feelings.  I cried half the day.  My poor sister called to console me.  "You stood up for yourself, good for you.  You are always so hard on yourself  Norma." She cooed in my ear.
I loath people telling me how to live my Life, we are all such different spirits, it should be up to the individual.  What others see as horrible Life mistakes, I see as lessons to learn, to grow, to make a better path, to give choice.
I feel like I pass judgement when I stick up for myself.  That's it.  I know its mine to fix, after all I'm just as human.  I know its my hangup. Its still makes me feel crumby.
I'm not perfect, I don't expect others to be.  EVER.  That's just an exhausting thought.  There lied my moral dilemma.  Was it that I was passing judgement or that I was just asking to be treated fair?  My head knew it was a simple request to just be asked to be treated fair.  My heart felt it was a betrayal of my dear friends wonderful heart.
She is a wonderful person, and even though I was blubbering mess, she handled the situation with Style and Grace.  In her truly Awesome and Classy form.  I love her so much. 
Here's to the futuree and hopefully a friendship strengthened by both our efforts.

Monday, February 4, 2013

I have to say it, to get if off my chest.

How can it that be, that I can stand up for myself.  Yet, when I'm deserving of something I work so hard to trade, I feel awful about having to justify my need for the other to hold up their end of the bargain?  Is it me?  Is it the person on the other end?  This is a horribly powerless feeling.  Its not hate or negativity I feel.  However, the guilt I feel with having to lay out all the things I've done to be justified, that gets me.  I shouldn't feel guilty!  I shouldn't have to ask!  You should know, that you need to hold up your end.  I probably sound like a kid, its not fair.  But as an adult, you should know that you should be fair to those you associate with?  Take, take, take.  Its not polite.  Don't you know that burning bridges with those that truly help you is not healthy for you?

It honestly makes me sad.  I get disappointed.  It shows me that I don't mean very much to you, but you mean the world to me.  Then, that is where I get mad.  Because, there may be a lot of things that I don't know yet living on this Earth.  But what I do know is, I'm deserving.

Maybe its just time that we cut the ties and see how long you last with out my help?  See, that is where they have me.  Because I will never be that person.  The one who won't help you out.

So, I just go back to being heartbroken.

Goddess, Light this Path for me.  Show me that being the extraordinary person that I am is not being exploited.  Show me that the misdoing is not mine, or rather, that the misdoing is that I care too much.

Blessed Be

Friday, February 1, 2013

Its February Mommy!!!

Its Friday, and just like the other days of the week, Nae has a routine.  Rather, I have a routine that I would Naenah to get used to! LOL  So at around 6:50, the hallway light gets turned on by yours truly.  It shines just perfectly in the face of my slumbering daughter.  I usually only have to take two to three steps and whining and squirming begin.
In the true fashion of a Parent, I snicker a little inside, thinking of how awful torture this has to be.  'Oh to be that young and have these sort of first world problems! ', I think to myself.   I go in and brush her hair back from her face, kiss her all over her face.  Ask her if she wants PB&J or Turkey in her lunch, then give her another ten minutes before I really drag her out of bed to the kitchen.  Where her vitamins, antioxidants and breakfast are ready and waiting.
But not today.  Not this February 1st. 
I flicked the hall light on, no noise.  I walk to her bedside to brush her hair back and she turned over with a HUGE grin on her face!!
Its February 1st Mommy!!!

She proclaimed. Lots of things happen in February in our home.  Her and I were just talking about how busy our month is going to be.  So, this morning she woke up spouting off half all the plans that were going on this month.  I told her that was only half as she walked with me to the kitchen, I turned the Calendar over to February.  We then circled days, and highlighted days, and there was Happiness and Excitement in the air.

What are those things going on this month?  Naenah's Baby King (cousin) and my sister (her Tia ChiChi) and Hubby Kenn go to the 5 month checkup.  Then a few days after that, Naenah finds out if Baby King is a Boy or a Girl.  Then Mommy's Birthday happens.  Then us girls make Daddy Valentine's Day Dinner, and a Nae has a V-Day party at school.  Then we go to the Circus on a field trip with her Kindergarten class.  Then she has a three day weekend.  Then Nae has a Class Birthday Party.

Then, she gets a surprise weekend for her birthday.  "No, No, don't tell me any of it!!  I LOVE SURPRISES Mommy!!  

Yup, its a busy month.  And in there somewhere, my sweet wonderful Massage clientele are squeezed in, Daddy keeps doing the 10 hour work days, six days a week!!

It should sound exhausting, but how can I see it any other way than the way Naenah sees it?  It's a good Friday, I love when she wakes up full of excitement.  
Happy Friday!! 
Love, Light and Bright Blessings,