Tuesday, December 30, 2014

So here we are, at the year's end...

Funny, I had been in a reflecting mind frame of late.  I wonder if my mind subconsciously goes there or if it is indeed the pull of the wheel of the year that innately pulls me there.  Time has a way of showing us the path.

The last few weeks have been quite a test for me and my not-so-new-to-me ideals of a positive and Grateful mind frame.  I think I am finally getting the hang of it.

I took a nasty fall down the stairs last week, and I am actually  healing up quicker than I had thought I would, but slower than I thought I would....if that makes any sense at all.

We couldn't just stop there with excitement, Hubby got sick, really sick....like, not eating for almost two days kind of sick.  Yeah, I know...it was making me nervous.  The third day I had had it, I finally told him he had to eat!  I was terrified it was going to turn into pneumonia.  Thank the Goddess for homeopathic care, essential oils, anti-oxidants, and good old fashion sleep have helped him turn the corner.

And the kid had a mean cough.

Yup, my old self would be really upset that I had to work through my body soreness, fight my urge to just lay in bed, and have a moment for me.  Not this time.  I worked through it, glad that I didn't hurt myself so bad that I couldn't do the things my sick family needed me to do.  SO glad I actually took the time off of work and didn't have to juggle that too.  Happy to report that everyone is on the mend.

With the little one on vacation, my days are filled with Naenah, and only in the wee hours before bed do I get some quiet time to be with my thoughts.  Tonight, they are on the coming year.  What our goals will be health-wise, financial/budget-wise, our goals for vacations, Naenah's after school sports that are coming up, taxes, lots of To-Do's on my list....on top of keeping the studio running, the house/animals up to snuff.   This is where the old me would complain.  The new me?

Well, I'm just Grateful.  To have things to worry about, to have things to strive and do my best at.  Even if those things seem measly to anyone else, they are mine to do at the utmost best of my ability.

I've seen cracks in the shiny armour of others lately.  It has made my heart break for some.  Watching all the time, effort and resources used to create a facade.  Whether it be to hide something, someone or to embellish a truth to make it greater.  I'm so Grateful I've learned the lesson of not trying to show the world anything more than who I am, and being okay with that.

Its a pretty humbling thing to look back on the year and know that it has probably been one of the most satisfying year's of resolutions that I have ever had. Why?  Because I went easy on myself, I let up on the pressure of all the preconceived notions of what a resolution should be.  And I accomplished more this year than I ever could have thought possible.

So, again, I'm not making any statements of grandeur for New Year's.  Other than I hope I accomplish just as much if not more than this year.

Thank you for taking the time out to read this tiny little blog.  I wish you and yours a very Happy New Year!

Bright Blessings,

P.S. Thank you 2014, you treated me and mine quite well.  Cheers to what 2015 will bring!! <3 br="">

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Knowing your worth...

Well, it happened.  I fell.  Not a trip and I caught myself kind of fall.  It was an all out slip- and- hit- every- stair- and- bump- and- find -myself- confused- at- the -bottom- of-- the stairs, kind of fall.  It happened yesterday morning.  I immediately stood up, shaking from the Fight or Flight response my body was in and took a deep breath, wiped my face with my hands, closed my eyes and tried with all my might to feel anything broken.  I took a few hesitant steps, shifting my weight, assessing my body. Once a therapist, always a therapist.  I have in the past gone straight into that mode when Nae gets hurt or Hubby even. So, talking to myself in my head, 'Nothing is broke, thank Goddess.' I kept myself moving, knowing that if I didn't there was no way I was going to get done what needed to be done that day. I think I was in denial, as I went on about my morning getting ready for my day at the shop and taking Nae with me. I guess I ran on adrenaline most of yesterday until about mid afternoon.  Then, the soreness was awful.  I listened to my friends and family and took something for the swelling, which I hate taking OTC junk.  But, this was just a situation where I had to listen. As the night went on, the soreness just increased.  I tried to allocate the spots that were the worst, but in all honesty, it was from head to toe.  I thought a good night's sleep would probably help.
This morning has been interesting.  As was pointed out to me by Hayley when I she called to check on me, I have a very high pain tolerance.  I am not in pain, I am sore.  Seriously, its truth.  But man, am I sore.  It sparked a memory of my time in the hospital just after Nae was born.  The nurses were doing morning rounds and came in to see about my pain level. You know, the 1-10 scale, the Happy and Sad faces on the chart.  They had to ask me twice when I told them I wasn't in pain just sore.  That I didn't need the ibuprofen, that I just wanted my stool softener (Mommies will know how much more important that little magic pill is.) They shook their heads but complied.
I had 3 hours of massage scheduled for today.  Last night my husband put a stop to the notion that I was going to jump out of bed and go do those massages.  I was more ridden with guilt for my clients and I was really trying to look past how sore I was.  Well, he was right.  If I wanted to last through all of the festivities planned for our Holiday, I had to take it easy today.  Regrettably, I text my clients and let them know that I had to take a rain check today.
I can hear my Gran in my head when I think to myself, "I am no spring chicken anymore."  I think this lesson has come along at a very perfect time.  All my life I have prided myself in working hard, very hard.  Physical, back-breaking work.  Throwing freight with six-foot men, loading six to eight 100 lbs loads of muffin mix into a hopper and hucking heavy duty muffin trays all night, standing all day, jumping off and on a fork light all day, (yeah, yeah, I couldn't see most of the forks on the lift I was always too short.)
All that hard work for most of my adult life has taken its toll on my body.  My massage therapist instructors would poke fun at me being the kid with all the overuse syndromes we were learning to help combat.  Most times, I was the body they used to show how hard physical work can damage a body, especially one so small.  They were so good to me, not only using me as an example, but always working to show and fix techniques so they would work with my body, not against it.  Sometimes I would stump them on how they would go about altering a technique, but the next class time, they would have a perfect fix for me. I will be forever Grateful for their attention, all four of them.
That is what this whole entire fall has me on...Gratitude.  That fall could've been oh so much worse!!  If I had not worked so damn hard in all those stubborn young years, I would not have had the tough muscles to protect the bones that are by all acts of nature, growing older by the year.  I could've broken so many things.  It would've stopped me in my tracks.  Not just personally, but professionally.  Its another lesson in know just how much I am worth.  That I have to take healing just as serious as I tell my clients to.  My body is my means of making a living.  I have to keep it healthy, and in working order.  I guess you just don't know how important that is until it's about to be taken away from you.  Or could possibly be taken.
Sitting here writing, I feel twinges of nerves healing, aching in the muscles that just had a traumatic once over, and I know the healing that is going on.   I think about how well my clients took the news this morning, the concern in their words.  It means more than they will ever know that I was received with compassion and understanding.  And makes me want to heal, rest and be that much better of a therapist and person.
I won't let this fall upset my holiday, I am in a place in my Life where I can be positive through the soreness.  That the Joy of the Season isn't darkened at all.  That the Love I feel for my Family helps me heal.  That I am Living a Life steeped in Gratitude, so much so that even in down times my mind goes to that directly.  I'm getting the hang of this, I hope I never ever forget it.
Happy Holidays to you and yours.  Sending you Love and Bright Blessings,

Friday, November 21, 2014

My Me day.

I took a break today.  Its a normal day off for me, but I usually am running errands for the better part of the day. I decided on some Me time.  I had a two hour session with a great gal and got my holiday pedicure done.  I had a client call last minute right in the middle of relaxing time, pleading for me to squeeze her into my day. 
Back story:  I work limited hours a week as a massage therapist.  The hours and days coincide with my daughter's school schedule and family time.  Times and days that were negotiated by the three of us. Also, Massage Therapy is not a 40 hour a week job.  If you want any sort of staying power, you have to use your time wisely.  By wisely, I mean, slow and steady, not too much that can lead to physical breakdown.  It was hard for Hubby to let go of days and times for me to open, start and make a successful business grow.  But, we decided on guidelines, and I was willing to stick to them.  I don't think I really knew how much my little business would grow, how passionate I would become about helping or how much it would actually help the ones who took the time to see me. 
I normally sacrifice the me time and squeeze them in.  Thinking to myself, 'Its okay, you can take care of yourself later, at least its not cutting into time with Hubby and Baby.'  However, I said no today.  I had already pushed through two Fridays of "squeeze-ins".  And really, these people know my schedule and just push to what works for them.  The last two Fridays I let them push me.  This Friday, no so much.  I'm not supposed to work any Fridays. I felt awful.  I even had the sweet one doing my toes tell me that I wasn't going to take anyone today, that I needed a minute to myself.  Bless her.  She is a good girl.  And I needed to hear that at that moment. I called Hubby and vented, I called Hayley and vented.  I felt better, but couldn't help to think that my Me day of relaxation was shot.
Then I got a text from my Mom, reminding me we were going to Skype.  Time to visit, see my niece,which my mom watches on weekdays and catch up with her and Dad.  I took sometime and visited.  Glad I did.  Mom needed to vent.   Dad's new cancer treatment is making food not have flavor.  He's not eating.  Not much at all.  He's lost more weight and his oncologist has told him he needs to pick up weight or he will have to come into more meds to make him hungry.  Mom's worried. 
I got a chance to talk to Dad about it.  And he says its true.  Food tasted like cardboard, why eat it?  So I suggested a few things and he promised me he would try it. 
I got to see Curly (my niece), she's 17 months.  She sang and talked and played for me to see. 
I told them I loved them, then said my good byes,  hung up with them.
Then, I called Gran.  It had been awhile.  I needed to hear her voice.  Man, was that exactly what I needed.  The right words, all filled with Love.  The news about others, good and bad.  She is patient with me, I know she is.  Let's me get to her when I get that minute to talk. 
I even got to text my Aunt J this week too.  Keeping connected even if it just a few short texts.  But boy do those words keep the wind under my wings for just that much longer.
So, you see, I said no today.  I needed a Me day.  I don't feel so bad about it now as I write this, because my Me day helped me charge my batteries with Love from some of the ones that matter the most.  I needed this. Uplifted and recharged.
The lesson? One, sometimes when people say No, it has absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.  Everything to do with them.  Two, respect an others boundaries.  You may not have any, but others do and most times, they are for a really, really good reason.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Happy Birthday Pop

Well Pop, Happy Birthday.  She will be celebrating here seventh Christmas this year.  Seven.  I know you can see her.  I know very well that you had a hand in moving things around to make it so we could do right by her.  I know you come to visit.

I promised you then and I tell you now that I will do all I can to keep her safe and growing healthy.  We are thriving here.  I can't thank you enough for all you have done to give me the tools I needed to help us along our journey.  Want to know what has helped us the most?  Kindness.  You taught me a lot about that.  How much it counts to help and be kind at what ever chances we can.  

I can't imagine all the things you are accomplishing there.  All the buildings and plans, I'm sure he was good on his promise to make you part of his Army.  I know you are a perfect fit.

I miss you, I love you.

Happy Birthday Charles Floyd

Friday, October 24, 2014


The events of Human Kind have left me broken-hearted today.

I don't know if it is that the events hit closer to Heart and Home for me today, or if today my most-often strong constitution was just warn down.  It may be that a few things have hit very close to home, like within the confines of my wee little Family, and just outside to my immediate Family, and even yet to the vicinity of my family on the map.  While others hit close to my heart and the turmoil that rises from its dust is a test of my Sanity, Patience, Strength and Positive Outlook.

It leaves me in worry, upset, and really, to be honest, sad.

Our world is changing, we must change with it. How much will we sacrifice before we realize we have gone too far?  There is so much going on.  I could go on and on about what is happening to the people I love and the struggles we go through in our everyday Lives.  Yet, the Triumphs through those struggles are what should really make us Thrive.

For so many, everything is Black and White, with clear answers for either side.

I am not one of those.  My world is every shade of Grey.  I can see the point from 22 different angles.  I stay silent when most draw opinions on things that I believe are not theirs only to draw a conclusion from.  One, because, they are entitled to their own opinion.  Two, it is a test for me.  To see if I am really getting the idea behind the concepts I so swear by.  Three, and most importantly, to lash out in a negative manner, feeds hate.  It feeds the very thing that creates the issue in the first place. 

I worry that I won't be able to give my daughter all the tools she will needs to stand up in society as it is now, in the state that it is in.  I think of my tools and know that half of them came from going to places in my head where demons, monsters, stress and anxiety live.  I dread the thought of her having to go to that place too to gain the skill set to make her that tough for our society.

How can we teach Love, Compassion, Joy, Kindness, and Helpfulness to our children when the world keeps handing us images of the opposite?  Hope.  As I write the very word, I can already feel the renewing starting.  I know when I wake tomorrow, although I will still be saddened, the Hope will have grown.  And restored enough of me to myself that I can keep believing that maybe one day Hope in Humanity can be restored too. That even if it won't evoke any World Peace, I can maybe try to teach her to find Peace on her own, and give Hope to others as well.

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Happy Sunday. Just when you think the Light at the end of the tunnel has gone out...

As a writer of a very tinny tiny blog, and those who can relate to writing, I sometimes have to wait for inspiration.  Contrary to those who really don't enjoy writing, we aren't always full of ideas to write about.  So, being human, I wait.  And sometimes I have to wait quite awhile.  So then, I start to look, to search maybe is a better way to put it.

I don't always know I'm looking for it either, and most times I don't know what I will write about next until its sitting right in front of me.  I have been wanting to put words to screen since I wrote about Dad, just that the words and the meaning of the next blog weren't quite there in my head yet.

I look for it in the wee hours of the morning, with that first cup of coffee before the kiddo gets up to start her day and I jump into my roll as support staff.  I look in the sunset, I look in the sunrise.  I look at my pack of animals, I look in my husbands words and eyes.

I try to see into this world we live in with not just my sight, but with my heart as well.

I believe today the inspiration is there, and in just the right order.  I see it as an other lesson learned, more enlightenment to add to my belt.  Just more reasons why staying Positive helps.

The last week, there has been a build up of stress for me.  I try to find its source, but for the Life of me, I just couldn't get a hold of where it was coming from.  It was the first full week back to school, my week was pretty full at the studio, and then there is juggling family Life.  I think it might just be getting back to the grind.

Yesterday was the the threshold, I couldn't keep it in anymore.  And the dear one that he is, Hubby could tell.  I let it out, probably not as Gracefully as I could have.  But, like the amazing person he is, he let me just get it out.

I ended the tirade with,' I don't know why I do this to myself, I should know that it always seems the hardest right before it gets better.'  Guess what?  Life did just that.  It showed me possibilities this week that we couldn't even stop to dream of last week or last month.

It showed us kindness, and humanity, and hope and strength.  Life reminded me once again, to 'relax, we got this.'

I am human like everyone else.  I have an acute belief, because of my Life experiences, that if I just keep Positive, learn Happy, and be Honest, I will get it back, tenfold.  But its always the darkest before the dawn.  That is usually when I doubt myself and my efforts the most.

Then good people and good deeds start to show themselves.  And I am where I am today, completely humbled and taken back with Gratitude.  Then all the things that didn't work out in the past, start to make me see that there was maybe something great planned for me and mine.

Sunday for most is the end of a week.  For my family its our day to rest, relax and renew.  Sometimes, I'm lucky enough to reflect and gain wisdom.  Really, Sunday is the beginning of the week.

Never underestimate the power of Positive.  Mind frame, thoughts, Living.  Never think that Honest ways don't get you far.  People watch and they see.  And sometimes that is how you get your lucky breaks.

In other news.....
Dad is bouncing back good.  Having a wee bit of trouble with getting on course with pain meds, but he believes that this surgery has taken away the migraines for good! Yay.
 I have a niece and nephew who are growing like weeds, every picture posted and video I see helps me know that their parents are doing all they can to aid them in becoming amazing people.  I'm so proud of them and their parents.
Football has started.  Enough said. LOL

Happy Sunday, Bright Blessings,

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

The walking Miracle that is my Dad.

In the winter of 2003, my Dad, Chuck/Keven/Charles/Tiny,  was diagnosed with Renal Cell Carcinoma.  The most common of kidney cancers.  It affects 3% of adults in the United States.  Its common and his luck, a very slow growing cancer.  Which meant that it was very treatable, survival rates for Rena Cell are very high.  But what they don't tell you, my Dad found out almost 10 years later, is that it is like a weed.  It keeps coming back, and like a weed, you have to keep pulling the cancer out.

Seven days after I was married,that Spring,  my Dad went into surgery to remove the cancer from his kidney.  What the doctors found was alarming and unbeknownst to us, a huge break through for Renal Cell.  He lost is left kidney that day, but what he gained was his Life.

My dad had always complained of lower back pain, it was hard to sit in the air ride chairs in the trucks he drove for long ours at a time.  Well, this day in 2003, we found out why.  My Dad's kidney was the size of a football.  We would later find out that all the cancer was contained in his kidney.  No signs of cancer in his lymphatic system or in his blood.

When Dad told us it was cancer, back in the winter, all I could hear in my head is 'No way, he's not going anywhere.' 'There is too much left for the man to do, too much for him to pay back to the family for having to be away so much to make ends meet.

When we finally heard back about Dad being cancer free, it was a relief.  And a sign that he wasn't going anywhere.  No Chemo,  no radiation.  He was so hell bent on recovering quickly so he could get back in the Truck and drive.

He stayed his healthy stubborn self until the spring of 2007, on his routine yearly tests, they found spots on his lungs.  I had no idea that Renal Cell could grow any other place but the kidneys.  But, it can.  It just moves around your body trolling for a weak point.  It found it, his lungs.

Why was that a weak point?  Yeah, well.  He never stopped smoking.  An action that has made me so angry, upset, and anxious every since the first surgery.  It hurt to think that Dad wouldn't just quit, that he was given this clean bill of health and he was just gonna send it up in smoke...literally.   It didn't present a bright future for my father making it to Grandad status or Poppy status as his is so adoringly called now.  I thought it was a pretty careless move, and it broke my heart. Yet, I know that personal demons are just that personal.  His to battle, and my job to love him through it.

In the late fall of 2007, he had the first of two more surgeries.  To pluck out the Renal Cell in his lungs.  The first lung surgery didn't go as planned, it collapsed and went from a minor procedure to a major one.  He was in a lot of pain after that one, and they had already gone ahead and scheduled the other lung for the early spring of 2008.

He was mean, and surly, and rude to his nurses.  I called Delene to vent.  Mom and Dad's bests friends in the whole world, my adopted grandparents.   She informed me that the Morphine made her  just like that, to check if that's what they gave him, it was.  She told me to have him ask about an other form of pain med, and she told me that I needed to tell him how horrible he was to everyone on it.

Oh my, I was raised you don't talk back.  I had to do it, I wasn't gonna walk into an other recovery room hearing him talk to the staff and my Momma like that again.  I did it.  I was terrified, and he was ashamed and even through that, he asked for different meds.  And he was an angel the next surgery through.  Typical, I had to work for that one!  :)  At least Mom and the girls got a better Dad for that one when he woke up.  Thank goodness I called Delene.

In the late fall of 2010, my wee little family moved to the Mid-West.  Dad was relieved, we were on his winter route.  Leading him literally, two blocks from the house.  January of 2011, Dad visited and was complaining of headaches, bad ones.  Border line migraines.  They got worse.  He tried to push through, but in the late summer of 2011, my father's physician pulled him form working.  Saying that the kidney cancer medication he was on, which by the way was formulated from the kidney he donated to research nearly 8 years before, was finally taking its toll and it side effects were doing him in.

The rest of 2011 and most of 2012 were hard on Dad.  He had worked for 40 years of his 57, he was lost, hurting, always tired from the slow chemo he was taking every two weeks at home.  I asked them to come have Christmas with us.  It would be their last year as grandparents just to Naenah, my Charlie was preggo and the following Christmas was going to be my niece's 1st.  They were there for Nae's 1st, I wanted them there for Caroline's and after that for Reza's.

It was a wonderful visit.  Lots of laughing, some happy crying, a few excursions, but mainly snuggling up warm at home.  Dad relaxed, he slept, he ate well.  I think him and Mom went home with a new perspective on how Life was gonna be.

Two weeks before June 15th 2013, Dad went in for his routine MRI for the year.  They found a meningioma between the hemisphere's of his brain, small and not of any concern to his doctors.  Until they changed his kidney medication in an effort to subdue the excruciating headaches he was having, and it made no difference.  Then, they turned back to the meningioma.  They watched it, and it kept growing, and he kept hurting.

June 15th 2013, he welcomed his second granddaughter into the world, Caroline Darling. Six months later, January 20th 2014, he got to hold his first grandson, Reza Dayas.  With Naenah Delane as the oldest of three grand kids.  Three kids, he never thought he would be around to see when all of this started in 2003, eleven years ago.

So, in the Spring of this year, my Dad had had enough.  He took his own health into his hands and went to his oncologist to tell him enough was enough.  It was time to take that lump out (his words, not mine).  If it wasn't supposed to be there in the first place, it needed to come out. Again, his words, not mine.  Dad thought that it was the cause of all his pain, his doctors agreed.

But before they would do the surgery, Dad had to undergo intensive radiation for a spot on his voice box.  Yup, potential cancer spot again.  He did it, so stubborn, he drove himself to and fro for 12 days.  He rested, he healed, and as far as we know, that spot is gone now too.

So here we are, the Summer of 2014.  Dad went in for the removal of this said meningioma, in hopes that it alleviates the piercing headaches he has dealt with for almost four years, yesterday.  Surgeries are complicated and one involving the brain just that bit more tricky.  There will always be worry when a loved one is undergoing surgery.

I got to talk to my Dad two nights ago.  I told him that so long as this is what he wanted to do, I was behind him.  I told him I loved him. That I would chat with him when he was up and about after surgery.

Today he is in ICU recovering very well from what the Doctor and his nurses are telling my Mom, sisters and Gran.  1600 miles is a long way to be from him at this point in time, but boy am I relieved that it went well.  The next few weeks will be painful as far as recovery goes, but he is due to make a full recovery and be back to himself in no time, which, I'm sure he is reminding everyone of how stubborn he is at this very moment.

I talked to my Mom this morning, she told me that there was not one doubt in my Dad's head that he was doing the right thing, and that he would pull through just fine.  He knew he had a fine set of doctors on his side.  He was right.  Now, only time will tell if those horrible headaches will be a thing of the past.

Times like these are what make a person like me, trying to live in Gratitude, fall to their knees.  Some of it is relief, but most of it is humbling Gratefulness for what I have been given.  Most people will look at my Life and think there isn't very much.  But the lot of you who really try to Live like I do, we will share a smile knowing just how much I actually have.

Hug those you love the next time you get the chance, because you just never know if it might be the last time you get to.

So, off I go, to get through my day, probably pumped up on coffee.  Thank the Goddess for Coffee.

Love and Bright Blessings,

Tuesday, August 12, 2014


I have a foreboding feeling I cannot shake.  Since my last sorrow-filled entry, I have been witness to another husband taken form his family.  The sweet little girls are so young that the memory of Daddy will have to be something that Mom and all the ones that loved him will have to fill in for them.  So young, too soon.

Others close to me, in these last few weeks, have lost aunts, uncles, grandparents and mothers.  It is a reality that is sometimes hard to face.  I am now approaching an age where death is just as common as new Life.  It makes this tiny little blog mean that much more to me.  I've noticed that in times of Happy and Sad, I have turned to this blog as an outlet.  It has never failed me.  Thank you for that.

I try to help heal bodies all week long.  Life in its purest, most raw form.  Breathing in and breathing out. It is a wonder to me how the human body can support in all different forms, yet how fragile it really is.  What it can hide from the outside world.

Robin Williams left our plane of Living today.  It is said he took his own Life.  Do you know how many Lives that man touched?  How much Brightness he brought to the world.  Yet, he was terribly sad on the inside.  He fought a constant battle internally the world knew nothing about.  All that Light he inside, it was still dimmed by depression.  Where even though he knew who Loved him, his special people still couldn't help him enough to dig him out of it.

I think he was too hard on himself.  I think he demanded things of himself no one on earth could live up to. To what end to we keep holding ourselves to standards that are unattainable? To death? To illness of both mind and body?

This man had kindness and compassion for everyone he met.  But he was unable to give it to himself.  How?

We need to stop being so hard on ourselves.  We need to give our souls compassion and kindness.

And here is where Gratitude plays in....

If you can look out into the World and have Gratitude, it gives back and resonates in your very being.  If at your very core all you want is to Love and Help, that is what you will get in return.  That doesn't mean that Life isn't going to throw you curve balls.  It means that Life is waiting to see how you handle them.

At my very basic belief platform, I have to believe that Grief, Heartache, Pain, and Loss  are trials to Happiness and Gratitude.  These roads are rocky, hard and unrelenting.   They can seem endless.  I can only imagine that the way we get out of them is One Thankful moment to the next, minute to minute, day by day.


Tuesday, July 22, 2014

A sad day, a very sad day...

I don't write much about what is wrong and sad in this World.  There is just too much of it.  If we are inclined to believe that what we put out in the universe, we then receive back I'm careful with I put out.  There are some things in Life, I cannot wrap my brain around. 

Today, I learned of a wonderful friend's husband passing away.  It has taken the wind right out of my sails today.  There is no shortage of tears today.  So very sad.  I cannot stop the tears.  I know that they are not mine.  I'm on my knees with Gratitude that I have my loved ones healthy and safe.

Yet the tears just keep on coming.

She told me a couple times before all this that he was her True Match.  That they were best friends.  That he could get to the girls when even she couldn't.  Now that is gone.  There is no physical being left for these ladies to wrap there arms around and be protected.  Do I believe he is still here, sure, of course I do.  But to the minds of the Living, it is easier to grasp when we can see it, hold it, feel it.

I can't even imagine, nor do I ever want to.

So my sweet few followers of this tiny little blog, if you are reading this my girl needs your prayers, good thoughts and healing light.  Give it all you got, she needs and deserves it.

Thank you,

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Father's Day

I never expected, eighteen years ago, to have the opportunity to watch, my then boyfriend, now husband, grow into one of the most heartfelt fathers I have ever met.  He's really good at it.  I'm so proud to call him my husband, Naenah's Daddy.

Yesterday was a day in the city with my two Lovies.  We ran around getting things and doing things that Daddy wanted to do.  Man, it was fun.  At lunch, we were sitting in the restaurant waiting for our food,  Nae asked her Dad to read out loud to her from the book she had brought.  It was a Star Wars Clone Wars book.  The content to me was irrelevant.  It was the love with which he read and answered her questions that made my heart swell. There was so much Love there.  It was a truly special moment, a glow of Father/Daughter Love.  I tell you it brings me to my knees I'm Grateful to have witnessed it.

A few weeks back I watched Trav go through his day, up a 4:30 to workout and get ready for, out to work a ten hour day.  That day, Naenah's new bunk bed arrived.  She begged and pleaded with him to put it together for her that night.  I had to run off to the Studio for my evening appointments, I had decided it was between them to figure out when they would put it together.  I arrived home around 9:45 to find my husband grumbling through the last parts of the build.  I was tired, I couldn't even imagine how exhausted he was.  I rallied and gathered the mattresses and sheets and put it all together so that Nae could have her first night in her first bunk bed ever.

He was surly, and tired, but the minute she crawled up there and smiled at him...His heart melted.  All that grumpiness disappeared and the grin that replaced it was Priceless. 11:30 he finally laid his head down to sleep, only to do it all again the next day, well, minus the bunk bed.  That is the kind of guy he is.  I can speak for both Nae and I when I say, I'm so lucky that he is ours.

They say the Life truly is a Journey.  That it's not really how you arrive at the end, but what you learned along the way.  The last eighteen years have most certainly been interesting, with our own twists and struggles.  I wouldn't change any of it.  With the passing of each year and the lessons that come with it, I fall more and more in Love with him.

By the Goddess, may I never forget how awesome it is to have a guy  like this by my side.

Happy Father's Day everyone.  Bright Blessings, Norma

Monday, June 9, 2014

Its been awhile, Naenah and her imagination, and continuing on in Grattitude...

Here we are.  I started this blog nearly four years ago.  On the Journey through moving to a new place and the trials and celebrations that come along with it.  Wow.  Have we seen so many things in the last four years.  I started to feel guilty about the neglect this poor blog was getting from me.  But, I stopped that.  It helps no one.  And really, so many good things are happening that it is taking me away from my notebook screen and into many Life experiences.

The one word to describe what it is that our lives in this sweet little town are? Thriving.  Every last facet of our Lives, we are Thriving.  Even as I write this, knowing that the words are true, I still suck wind and get teary eyed. I'm humbled and taken to my knees in Gratitude. Its all a bit overwhelming when I think about it, but it is indeed Thriving.

I hadn't thought about writing a post in quite some time.  Then, last night happened.  Small to others in measure, but a huge stepping block for me.  Here's the back story:

When I was about seven years old, one summer afternoon, Mom told my younger sister, Rita and I to lay down for naps.  I don't really remember fighting her on it and laid down in bed, drifting to sleep watching Rita sit on the table in our room coloring....

Or so I thought, I woke with a jolt as I heard Mom angry.  In a bit of a daze, I was pulled out of bed and asked if I helped, if I did it?  Did what?  I was so confused.  I looked down at my arms and legs, looked in the mirror that Mom had dragged me to to see pen marks all over my body.  Wha?  I was asleep...like you told me to be!

I guess Rita got a wild hair and a great idea that skin was so much better than paper as a medium.  She looked just as bad as I did.  I couldn't help but smile at her.  I thought it was funny. That was all it took, my poor mother snapped.  We were spanked and thrown into the tub.  Scrubbed by her, then by Dad.

Dad didn't realize his own strength and scrubbed a bit to hard, which was funny because I never remember it hurting.  But, the scrubbing left scratch marks. The man I had never ever seen bust out in tears, felt so bad, tears running down his face.

I was still trying to wake the heck up, I don't think my little brain really cleared until he hauled us both out of the tub, wrapped us in towels, swatted our behinds, and sent  us back to our room.

Once in our rooms, I asked my sister what she was thinking?  Keep in mind, she's two and a half years younger than me.  All she could do was shrug her shoulders.  If you can believe it, we both fell asleep again.

So imagine my surprise when my sweet little seven year old comes down to tell her Daddy and I that she is putting on a circus show for us as soon as we are done with our shows we are watching.

Her beautiful face all done up in clown make up......that she did with black and red marker.

Did I mention the markers were permanent makers?      Yup, permanent marker.

Can anyone sat Flashback Sunday!!!

This is now the difference in age from when my parents were first parents to the age that Hubby and I are now raising her.  There is a good ten year difference in our age from my parents age then.  There have been countless times that I'm knee-jerk Grateful to be ten years older.  Most of them involve my temper and the fact that if I was ten years younger, and not inside of Positive Living and Gratitude, I would've no doubt done what my parents did that day many years ago.

Instead, all I could do was cover my mouth to keep from hysterically laughing in my sweet Girl's face.  A bit of panic settled into my OCD brain as I swam mentally trying to figure out how on Earth we were gonna get that off her exquisitely beautiful face.  I looked at Hubby, he was trying to see my reaction and when he saw I was trying hard not to laugh out loud......he lost it and laughed so hard I couldn't hold it in anymore.

Naenah was not very happy with us laughing at her.  Then, she thought she was in trouble and started to cry.
I had to explain that we weren't mad, that we were impressed that she showed such initiative, but that she should've asked for make up, stuff that would come off her face more easily.

It took a long twenty minutes with alcohol pads,her laying on the floor in my lap, and very soft easy strokes to remove the marker from her face.  We laughed, giggled, and I told her the story of when I was a kid and her Aunt decided to write on me in my sleep.  Daddy shared a haircut story from his childhood.

I kept thinking, as hard as it is to keep up with Nae, because we are indeed, older parents, THANK YOU for letting me get those ten years that let me get to a giggle instead of anger.   If I learn nothing else this week, this lesson was oh so worth it.

I am Grateful.

Monday, February 17, 2014

Seven years ago....

Seven years ago, I was on bed rest. I was only one week away from having our one and only Naenah.  She would be whole two weeks early.  I was 38 weeks along.  I have told her story here before, and if you really want to read it again, looked it up in the archives.  She is our miracle.  I look at her today, as she plays in her own little world, and I'm still in awe.
I got to spend the day with her as there was no school on Presidents Day.  I had to work one session, but got to pick her up and watch a movie with her at home and eat nachos and ice cream.  It was an agreeable day.  Sometimes in parenting there are more whiny-resisting days than agreeable ones.  It makes it tough to pull myself out of a defensive mind-frame and give her the benefit of the doubt.  I'm glad I got a reset today.
Its a "suck wind" kind of Gratitude day today.  I'm pretty Grateful I get to be her Mom.  I hope that I can make her understand one day just how much I love her.
Its been a really good day.
Bright Blessings,

Friday, February 14, 2014

February 14th

Everyone has their very own take on each Holiday.  Opinions are yours to have.  Valentine's Day seems to be one of disappointment for others than for appreciation.  That's sad to me.  If our society really knew what it meant to Love, they would know its more about hard work and dedication to someone other than oneself.  Love should be present in every relationship, as well as Respect and Kindness.  It should be celebrated every morning you get to wake up and see that person, not just one day a year.
Valentines Day as a Family is about how much we love each other. Our Tradition?  Homemade Dinner together.  A fun night with a fancy table, red hearts, pink napkins, nice music and talking about our days.  I love my Family, and hope I have many more wake-ups to tell them so.
Happy Valentine's Day from our home to yours.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

38, its not so bad.

Today I turned 38 years old.  The Sun shined today.  After so many days of clouds and snow, there was sunshine.  I received the most amazing hug and smiling face from my sweet little girl this morning.  At 4am, the one I love most whispered Happy Birthday to me.  Thinking  back now, I see how full and beautiful my Life really is.
I worry so much about what they need, I work my fanny off to make sure they get it.  I get thrown off course when obstacles are put up in front of us keep us from what the next best thing that could be in our Lives.  I lose it, not knowing if I can give them what they need.  Its a moment of that is brief, I lose sight of the shore.
Then I realize, that THEY are my next big thing. That no matter the things, they are my Life.  I work to help to be a better person, to know my true stand in this world.  And its with them.  No matter what obstacles are put in front of us.
Its the little things in Life.  I hope I never forget.

Friday, February 7, 2014

The American Dream and its ever elusive hovering out of our grasp...

I heard words this week that really devastated me.  Like took the wind right out of my sails and left me floating aimlessly with no direction.
Thank the Goddess it wasn't for long.  They were just words.  Words meant to conform us.  Bend this way, then that way.  Now tuck this up here and circle around this way.  They were just words.
As soon as I realized that, I started to feel more like me again.  I could close my eyes and feel the breeze in my sails.  I'm working up back up to steady sailing, I'll get there.  WE will get there.
They really don't know who I am.  They just have rules and laws that tell them what they can or cannot say.  Its not a personal attack or an insult.  Rather, its that they don't know any better.  Even more, its that they don't know me and hubby.
So, their loss.
Back to the drawing board.  I let myself get away too much in a the American Dream.  The Dreaming part at least. 
If its meant to be, all path will lead to it.
Bright Blessings,

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Thankful Thursday... Just shift your thoughts and see what happens

Your attitude and approach can dictate your whole entire Life.  I know this because I have learned it the hard way.  I had the most amazing person walk into my Life and tell me the truth about my attitude and negativity.  Then something even better happened, he stayed in my Life.  And he has helped me fix my point of view.

It has changed so many things for me.  That shift from negative to positive is the very reason I have the wonderful people and experiences happening to me... and him. :)

Some tasks in Life are daunting and scary.  The anxiety and worry we put ourselves through can breed and harbor so much negativity.   However, if we shift our thoughts to the steps it takes to get through a big task, and just think of the next step as the only achievement we need to worry about, it lightens the load.  Thereby making the task, manageable.

We should meet each person and task we come up to with this thought in mind, add kindness to that and the gifts you get back grow in number.  If we see that there are always to two sides to a story, and yours is just as valid as the others, that tolerance is a shift of sorts.

We are learning everyday, that if we go into the situation positive and open minded, we will always come out with something positive gained. Sometimes it takes a minute or two to see what is gained, but there is always a lesson.

Thank the Goddess he walked in and started everything with his Honesty.  It has taught me so much.

In other Thankful news:
Nephew Lucas Nathaniel was born yesterday!!!  He looks a lot like Daddy with Mommy's amazing skin tone.
My niece has learned to give kisses and looks right at you when you call her by name!!
Naenah Delane brought home a spelling test with 100% on it!!
Charlie and Rita got to see each other this week and I got to have a convo with them together, and I could hear Sis in the background trying to get a word in too!!
Hubby, has made me giggle so much this week.  I look at him and am SO Grateful that I get to spend my Life with him.

Your turn!!  Take a minute and think.

Bright Blessings,

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Thankful Thursday

I love my job.  It is hard work.  I'm exhausted at the end of the booked up week, but the smile on my face is a testament to the fact that I can make this tiny little massage studio run.  My own two hands, a positive attitude, and faith  in my ability.

I realized this last night as I was cleaning up the studio from the last appointment.  We ran over a bit, I found some things that need to be addressed.  Others would be frustrated and mad that they were getting home late, I found myself smiling.  Jazzed that I helped someone out and happy that they went away Happy.

I know there are way less of us that get to do what we love for a living.  So many more are just miserable and unhappy.  This is where my Gratitude kicks in.  I was one of those folks for a very long time.  With the help of a very supportive husband and family, I had the chance to change that.  And I did.

It was scary, exciting, intimidating, frustrating, exhausting, and so, so worth it.  There are still quite a few lean years that out number the great ones, but that is changing.  My heart is swelling with Gratitude. My eyes are welling with Happy Tears.

That's it.  It's that easy.  What are you Thankful for this Thursday?

Bright Blessings,

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Not a better note to start on than this one.

My Nae went on her first non-family sleepover this week.  It was next door.  At the house of one the best and most trusted people I could ever ask for as a neighbor.  Her little, Ms Kay, and Nae are pretty tight.  So they danced the night away in the playroom and fell asleep to movies.  Well, Kay did.  Nae could stay up forever.  So Shay shut it down and Nae drifted to bed.  Shay told me she was great, behaved very well.  And when she came home today, she was all smiles and has been so very agreeable all day.

She wanted to be close all day.  We made lunch together, started some art projects.  And  when she wanted to step away from the intensity of her artwork she asked me if she could listen to music on Youtube.  Child is a Youtube fiend.  No worries, she has to surf with me or Dad.  What may you ask does this kid listen to?  Well, we have Mary Doodles we watch, Epic Rap Battles also.  But Music?  She is in love with Lindsay Stirling at the moment.  !!!

Absolutely beautiful music.  Her own pick.  She loves Penatonix. !! And of course there is the currents on the radio she loves to re listen to on the Vevo channels.

What else could bring me to tears than spending time sitting next to my daughter while she is plugged into awesome music?  I'll tell you what.   It's that the kid has her own opinion, style and taste.  Did I mention that she is only 6?!  

Yes, yes, we are going through the motions and will continue to remind her that she has to respect others views, beliefs and ideas.  But, I love that she is growing into a person uniquely her.  That my friends is "suck the wind" inspiring.

What once was this little wee baby of 4 pounds, 15 ounces can now think freely and ask questions and read for 20 minutes out loud.

I could start the blog out with what I will be changing this year, but I think its over played.  Instead, I'm going to start mine being Grateful for what is in front of me.  Life brings us change, always.  Its is what is the single most constant thing about our lives.  If we can learn to have Gratitude for what we have already been given, Life has no choice but to gift us more of that.

So, help me.  Rather, help me to help you. Take a minute, and recount all the things that you already have in Life that you are grateful for.  I promise, its worth it.  Chances are, it will make you feel amazing too!

Bright Blessings,