Tuesday, December 30, 2014

So here we are, at the year's end...

Funny, I had been in a reflecting mind frame of late.  I wonder if my mind subconsciously goes there or if it is indeed the pull of the wheel of the year that innately pulls me there.  Time has a way of showing us the path.

The last few weeks have been quite a test for me and my not-so-new-to-me ideals of a positive and Grateful mind frame.  I think I am finally getting the hang of it.

I took a nasty fall down the stairs last week, and I am actually  healing up quicker than I had thought I would, but slower than I thought I would....if that makes any sense at all.

We couldn't just stop there with excitement, Hubby got sick, really sick....like, not eating for almost two days kind of sick.  Yeah, I know...it was making me nervous.  The third day I had had it, I finally told him he had to eat!  I was terrified it was going to turn into pneumonia.  Thank the Goddess for homeopathic care, essential oils, anti-oxidants, and good old fashion sleep have helped him turn the corner.

And the kid had a mean cough.

Yup, my old self would be really upset that I had to work through my body soreness, fight my urge to just lay in bed, and have a moment for me.  Not this time.  I worked through it, glad that I didn't hurt myself so bad that I couldn't do the things my sick family needed me to do.  SO glad I actually took the time off of work and didn't have to juggle that too.  Happy to report that everyone is on the mend.

With the little one on vacation, my days are filled with Naenah, and only in the wee hours before bed do I get some quiet time to be with my thoughts.  Tonight, they are on the coming year.  What our goals will be health-wise, financial/budget-wise, our goals for vacations, Naenah's after school sports that are coming up, taxes, lots of To-Do's on my list....on top of keeping the studio running, the house/animals up to snuff.   This is where the old me would complain.  The new me?

Well, I'm just Grateful.  To have things to worry about, to have things to strive and do my best at.  Even if those things seem measly to anyone else, they are mine to do at the utmost best of my ability.

I've seen cracks in the shiny armour of others lately.  It has made my heart break for some.  Watching all the time, effort and resources used to create a facade.  Whether it be to hide something, someone or to embellish a truth to make it greater.  I'm so Grateful I've learned the lesson of not trying to show the world anything more than who I am, and being okay with that.

Its a pretty humbling thing to look back on the year and know that it has probably been one of the most satisfying year's of resolutions that I have ever had. Why?  Because I went easy on myself, I let up on the pressure of all the preconceived notions of what a resolution should be.  And I accomplished more this year than I ever could have thought possible.

So, again, I'm not making any statements of grandeur for New Year's.  Other than I hope I accomplish just as much if not more than this year.

Thank you for taking the time out to read this tiny little blog.  I wish you and yours a very Happy New Year!

Bright Blessings,

P.S. Thank you 2014, you treated me and mine quite well.  Cheers to what 2015 will bring!! <3 br="">

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Knowing your worth...

Well, it happened.  I fell.  Not a trip and I caught myself kind of fall.  It was an all out slip- and- hit- every- stair- and- bump- and- find -myself- confused- at- the -bottom- of-- the stairs, kind of fall.  It happened yesterday morning.  I immediately stood up, shaking from the Fight or Flight response my body was in and took a deep breath, wiped my face with my hands, closed my eyes and tried with all my might to feel anything broken.  I took a few hesitant steps, shifting my weight, assessing my body. Once a therapist, always a therapist.  I have in the past gone straight into that mode when Nae gets hurt or Hubby even. So, talking to myself in my head, 'Nothing is broke, thank Goddess.' I kept myself moving, knowing that if I didn't there was no way I was going to get done what needed to be done that day. I think I was in denial, as I went on about my morning getting ready for my day at the shop and taking Nae with me. I guess I ran on adrenaline most of yesterday until about mid afternoon.  Then, the soreness was awful.  I listened to my friends and family and took something for the swelling, which I hate taking OTC junk.  But, this was just a situation where I had to listen. As the night went on, the soreness just increased.  I tried to allocate the spots that were the worst, but in all honesty, it was from head to toe.  I thought a good night's sleep would probably help.
This morning has been interesting.  As was pointed out to me by Hayley when I she called to check on me, I have a very high pain tolerance.  I am not in pain, I am sore.  Seriously, its truth.  But man, am I sore.  It sparked a memory of my time in the hospital just after Nae was born.  The nurses were doing morning rounds and came in to see about my pain level. You know, the 1-10 scale, the Happy and Sad faces on the chart.  They had to ask me twice when I told them I wasn't in pain just sore.  That I didn't need the ibuprofen, that I just wanted my stool softener (Mommies will know how much more important that little magic pill is.) They shook their heads but complied.
I had 3 hours of massage scheduled for today.  Last night my husband put a stop to the notion that I was going to jump out of bed and go do those massages.  I was more ridden with guilt for my clients and I was really trying to look past how sore I was.  Well, he was right.  If I wanted to last through all of the festivities planned for our Holiday, I had to take it easy today.  Regrettably, I text my clients and let them know that I had to take a rain check today.
I can hear my Gran in my head when I think to myself, "I am no spring chicken anymore."  I think this lesson has come along at a very perfect time.  All my life I have prided myself in working hard, very hard.  Physical, back-breaking work.  Throwing freight with six-foot men, loading six to eight 100 lbs loads of muffin mix into a hopper and hucking heavy duty muffin trays all night, standing all day, jumping off and on a fork light all day, (yeah, yeah, I couldn't see most of the forks on the lift I was always too short.)
All that hard work for most of my adult life has taken its toll on my body.  My massage therapist instructors would poke fun at me being the kid with all the overuse syndromes we were learning to help combat.  Most times, I was the body they used to show how hard physical work can damage a body, especially one so small.  They were so good to me, not only using me as an example, but always working to show and fix techniques so they would work with my body, not against it.  Sometimes I would stump them on how they would go about altering a technique, but the next class time, they would have a perfect fix for me. I will be forever Grateful for their attention, all four of them.
That is what this whole entire fall has me on...Gratitude.  That fall could've been oh so much worse!!  If I had not worked so damn hard in all those stubborn young years, I would not have had the tough muscles to protect the bones that are by all acts of nature, growing older by the year.  I could've broken so many things.  It would've stopped me in my tracks.  Not just personally, but professionally.  Its another lesson in know just how much I am worth.  That I have to take healing just as serious as I tell my clients to.  My body is my means of making a living.  I have to keep it healthy, and in working order.  I guess you just don't know how important that is until it's about to be taken away from you.  Or could possibly be taken.
Sitting here writing, I feel twinges of nerves healing, aching in the muscles that just had a traumatic once over, and I know the healing that is going on.   I think about how well my clients took the news this morning, the concern in their words.  It means more than they will ever know that I was received with compassion and understanding.  And makes me want to heal, rest and be that much better of a therapist and person.
I won't let this fall upset my holiday, I am in a place in my Life where I can be positive through the soreness.  That the Joy of the Season isn't darkened at all.  That the Love I feel for my Family helps me heal.  That I am Living a Life steeped in Gratitude, so much so that even in down times my mind goes to that directly.  I'm getting the hang of this, I hope I never ever forget it.
Happy Holidays to you and yours.  Sending you Love and Bright Blessings,