Saturday, December 31, 2011

New Year, New direction NEVER a new you....

So, I saw this quote on a Friend's FB page:
 It is not a little mending and alteration, a little cleansing and purifying, a little painting and patching, a little turning over a new leaf and putting on a new outside that is wanted. It is the bringing in of something altogether new, the planting within us of a new nature, a new being, a new principle, a new mind; this alone, and nothing less than this, will ever meet the necessities of person's soul. We need not merely a new skin, but a new heart." ~ J.C. Ryle
I have been turning this over in my head for a few hours now.  Thinking about where she's coming from with it.  It most certainly has been a rough year for her.  Lots of changes, heartache, and rearranging of just about damn near everything.
I guess I'm stewing about this quote, because I don't agree.
No way on this Green Earth would I ever want New.  I've learned way, way too much from all those bumps and bruises, nicks and scrapes.
I would rather build upon what I have learned, good and bad. Than to start anew.  I have been given to many gifts and things and people to be Grateful for to wish it all away and start anew. 
I will take what I have learned in this past year and add it to the new slate of a new year.
These things make me who I am, it shapes my views and insight, it shapes the way I love and care, IT IS ME.
Sure there are days in this past year I have woken up and would've rather rolled over, gone back to sleep and woke up on a different day.
I guess that is the point of approaching Croning.  Acceptance.  Loving who you are for what you have become, good and bad.  Knowing that there is always another day to make things just even a little bit better for yourself and others.
So, as I read all the post of the New Year and everyone well-wishing.  I will stew on what changes are necessary, but what I won't budge on is that fact that even the roughest of times will still be Blessings to me and mine.  Those times are when those that I love descend on me and shower me with Love, Concern and "You can do this"s.
There are no mistakes here, just redirection.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Let me hug you proper.

Typing at the computer this evening, Nae comes around the corner and hugs my arm.  I look at her and ask...
Me: Whatcha doing Nae?
Nae: Huggin you Momma.
Me: (As I scoop her up) Well, Let me hug you proper then.
I rock her back and forth and squeeze her tight.
Nae: Ummm, Mom.....This is taking forever!!! 
And we both end up in giggles!!!
Never a dull moment.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

The best one yet...

Well, it has come and gone.  It was pretty fast this year.  But this year, Nae and I got the best gift ever.  Trav took four whole days off of work, we had him at home for the 23rd-the 26th.  It was amazing.  I will beg and plead for him to take these days off from now on, as long as he is in this Field of work.  Its a slow time of year anyway and his boss was so willing to let him have the time.
Nae and I were a pretty spoiled couple of girls having his undivided attention for that long.  We were sitting watching a movie last night, she was in his lap.  I heard her say quietly,"I'm going to miss you when you go back to work Daddy."  She squeezed him really tight.  Trav hugged her back strong to his side.
We are so fortunate to have family that showers our girl with gifts this time of year.  It's quite ridiculous the amount of gifts one small child received this year.  Trav and I don't do much for each other.  I would rather fill the cupboards and feast on wonderful things than for him to spend an absurd amount on a ring or necklace I rarely wear.  So we focus a bit on Nae, fill the kitchen and belly's with yummys, lock ourselves in and stay in PJs.
Looking back on this one, I must say it was the most magical yet.  We are more aware of our Kansas surroundings, comfortable in our sweet little home.  And those four uninterrupted days with the two most important people in my Life have made this the best Holiday yet.  That, is the gift I won't ever forget.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Thankful Thursday...Yule

Yule.  Its a tradition my husband and I started four years before we had our daughter.  Another celebration in the line up for this time of year.  So we do Yule, then Noche Buena, and then Christmas.  I love it.  We have certain things we do to mark the certain days. 

We started gingerbread building three years ago and now have added Santa search to our Yule festivities.  Looking at this picture, what am I not thankful for??   Exactly.

Wishing you a very Merry Holiday!  From the heart of my home and the ones I love the most.

Bright Blessings,

Thankful Thursday...

I was thinking to myself this afternoon that I may have to dig deep to find something to write about on Thankful Thursday.  With Yule, Noche Buena, and Christmas just past, I'm sure everyone is tired of hearing about all those festivities.  So, old news and its only been a week!! 
Then, it hit me.  As I was putting my daughter down to rest tonight.  I noticed that she was in pajamas that my sister had given her just a few days ago for Christmas.   There a bit big on her, not by much and I'm pretty sure not for very long, but right now they are the cutest "too big" for her.
I feel like we're a bit stuck in this size.  Just a few months ago she flew past size four and is approaching the top end of size five.  So, I told everyone size six for gifts, to at least get a few wears out of the outfits before they are too small.
Anyway, I was noticing her too big pajamas when I stopped myself in thought and realized how grateful I am to be able to watch her growth right in front of me.  That, no matter how long it takes us to get to size six, I will be here to see it happen.  And I am humbled and grateful to see her grow.  Humbled and Grateful that the Goddess deemed me responsible enough to put this sweet creature in mine and my husband's care.  Its a happy/sad thing to know that we are on borrowed time.  That she is not mine, yet my responsibility until she can make choices for herself and do things for herself.
It breaks my heart that she can get her toothbrush, put toothpaste on herself and actually brush her teeth for a good two minutes on her own.  That my bath time duties have been reduced to getting the temperature right on the water, and that is it.  The kid can fish out her own toys, fill the tub, turn off the water and play all on her own.  She can clean up her toys, drain the tub, put her toys up, get out of the tub, dry herself off, and put on her pajamas all by herself now.
I'm so Grateful to be able to watch it happen.   I'm reduced to tears I'm so Goddess-be-damned Grateful.
Who knew this Thankful Thursday would be so emotional, well she will be five years old in two months.  I'm sure that has a ton to do with it.  Ever since December 24th, I think of her birthday at least once a day.
So, such is my Thankful Life.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Yuletide Magic

The household is up and running.  Everyone is awake, and either at work or on to stuffs of the day.  My daughter has become self sufficient in her morning routine and doesn't ask for much help.  Its a sad thing to realize, that she doesn't need mommas help as much anymore.  But, I'll always be here on standby.
With this new found self sufficiency, I have a minute to drink and enjoy my cup of delayed coffee this morning.  I decided to change my routine and pulled up a chair in the kitchen, near the window.  So I could look out at the dewy cold morning and watch the hustle and bustle of the highway and school traffic.
Its beautiful outside.  I noticed how the sun shines through my kitchen and the southeast side of my house.  I love that light.  The doggies do too, they are laying in its path in the house as I write this.  Its a morning like this one, I love to stop and reflect.
I'm not sure if it the time of year, or if its just what we have been through in the last few years.  But I find myself in a different spot of thinking than I was near seven year ago.  Times have been happy this past year, but it has been a really, really rough year.  No need to delve into it, everyone is struggling right now.
What I'm finding though, is that just as it gets to the point of almost unbearable, where the stress is going to make my eyes pop out.  I am filled with joy instead of heartache.  I'm positive that there are many factors in that change.  Our Life of Gratitude instead of a Life of Deserving, the Love I'm wrapped in, by my little family here, the family spread out all over this country, and friends that support and stay on me.  The chance to step away from a Life speeding by into a Life of a slower pace.
Part of it could be the time of year.  The holidays have a heftier meaning to us now that we have Naenah.  We've gone away from what the material things could be and are in a place of seeing the joy in the little things the holidays have to offer.
All of this together is what I like to call Yuletide Magic.  Mundane, and chaotic all at the same time.  Both lending its energy to a hum in the air.  There is no way to choose unhappy this time of year.  Its the same way with how I'm striving to look at life.  
I choose to be Happy.  Thereby filling myself with an empowerment that NO ONE can take from me.  Do I have bad days? Absolutely, I'm just choosing not to ride on the negative skirt tales of those bad days.  You see, no matter who you believe is your creator, they made you to have free will.
I'm taking my free will and putting a positive note out in the universe.
Laws of attraction abound positive if you give positive, but that is another post all together.
Love and Light,

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Thankful Thursday....Yay!!

So, here we are.  Thursday....Hello.   .....and I have SO much to be thankful for!!!  A lot has happened in this last week.  Somethings really good, other things disappointing, yet more things funny and way more things happy.  I'm not gonna go over all of them.
BUT,  I will take a moment to say Thank You to two new folks that stopped by this humble little blog last week for the first time. Tooje and SassyModernMom.  Awesome that you took the time to read my little blog, even more AWESOMENESS that you posted a comment!! 
Thanks to you both for stopping and giving me your input, but even bigger Thanks for providing me with two more wonderful blogs to add to my list of Must reads.
SEE!!! Being Grateful opens doors, gates, windows, mouse holes....the whole bit!! LOL
Seriously though, thank you.  And even more seriously, it really is about being Grateful.  My Life is one little tiny Life in the millions and millions that are here on this planet.  I'm grateful for having what I have.  Even if its not what the next Molly, John or Frank would think is worth it.
In other Thankful news...
My dad got to stop by again!!! Yay!! Another day with Family. 
My daughter has made her own vocabulary, she had me in stitches at least twice today.
My sister (Hubby's side) called to vent, I was glad I was there to listen.
My daughter gets the 12 Days of Christmas from my sweet Aunt, her first batch of little gifts came this week, it was wonderful to watch her get excited about the fact that Jay-Jay remembered her!!
Ahhh, Gratitude..LOVE IT!!!

How about you??  Name one thing.  Post it in the comments.

P.S.  One last thing, I watched my hubby sleep two nights ago.  Sap that I am, his peaceful look still brings me to tears. 

Love, Light and Bright Blessings,

In our heart to heart talks...

How do to keep living with a person that tells you everyday that you have not lived up to the standard that they keep for you? 
How do you keep looking that person in the eye when everything they do or say tells you that they are so totally disappointed in you?
How would you cope with being down on your luck, feeling in the dumps, that everything is a hopeless mess, that there is not really an end in sight?
You call you girlfriend.  That's what she did.  She called me.
This one, she has it in her.   The will to Live.  So much has been thrown her way.  She just keeps getting up and dusting herself off and moving forward.  She is amazing that way.  Her answer when I tell her she's amazing is" what other choice do I have??".  Well, she could choose so much worse, but she moves on.  Not always confident, but she moves none the less.
I always think that if I were in her shoes I would just lay down and quit."No you wouldn't." she says calmly.  "You would do exactly what I'm doing, keep moving.  How else can I do this if you weren't there to listen and tell me to get my ass up and move?!"
I think that she is one of those people that just won't let others dictate who she is.  Its rough on her when she sees the disappointment, but she has a persistent drive that propels her forward.  Toward what she knows is there, but is just out of her sight on the horizon.
My heart aches for her every time she calls with another hill she bounding.  To hear the agony in her tears.
Its not long though, and I have her laughing.  Seeing the short-sighted and obvious, "OMG, that is SO true!!"
I hope I can give her what she gives me each time we talk, love and understanding.  When in a world that is really down on its luck, won't give it back to her at the moment.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Thankful Thursday....Realization.

Living a Life in Gratitude has its challenges.  What I noticed changed the most for me, was that I went from worrying about what I keep doing wrong to seeing the things, even the little things, that are right about my Life.
I have forever been beating myself up over the things I do wrong.  The stuff I just can't get right.  The same things that keep coming back because I keep getting a step wrong.  I beat myself up mentally over those things.  What 's great about Gratitude is it really does change your attitude.  HAHAHAHAHA!! 
But seriously it does.  If you could take one whole entire minute of your day and think of the things that your are grateful for in that day, what would they be??  There is absolutely no way that after that minute, you would not be in a lighter mood.
If I haven't stopped myself in the week, I get to Thursday to write this post and I sit and think about the week.  I get a little lighter every time.
Nothing is too little, or mundane, or weird, or outrageous to be Thankful for...nothing.
I baked a chocolate cake this week and it made Trav and Nae smile with glee and excitement.
I text my wonderful aunt Thank you for the coffee she sent me.
I got to sit and have a meal with my dad, who drove seventy-one miles out of route to visit with us for a few hours.
I did Holiday arts and crafts with Nae, I did a lot of watching her in awe of how much she's grown.
I held my husband's hand as we both fell asleep one night this week.
I text my brother to let him know I was thinking about him in his job interview and that I love him.
I got to talk to my baby sister, well, she did more of the talking.  I just cried a lot because I miss her.
I talked to my middle sister on her way to work to catch up on her and her ongoings.
I text my other brother and he never has a problem filling me in on how my baby sister is.
I got to Skype with my family, they got to say Good night to Nae
You see, nothing is too little to be Thankful for.

Now, you try.

Bright Blessings and Happy Thursday!!