I have to say it, to get if off my chest.

How can it that be, that I can stand up for myself.  Yet, when I'm deserving of something I work so hard to trade, I feel awful about having to justify my need for the other to hold up their end of the bargain?  Is it me?  Is it the person on the other end?  This is a horribly powerless feeling.  Its not hate or negativity I feel.  However, the guilt I feel with having to lay out all the things I've done to be justified, that gets me.  I shouldn't feel guilty!  I shouldn't have to ask!  You should know, that you need to hold up your end.  I probably sound like a kid, its not fair.  But as an adult, you should know that you should be fair to those you associate with?  Take, take, take.  Its not polite.  Don't you know that burning bridges with those that truly help you is not healthy for you?

It honestly makes me sad.  I get disappointed.  It shows me that I don't mean very much to you, but you mean the world to me.  Then, that is where I get mad.  Because, there may be a lot of things that I don't know yet living on this Earth.  But what I do know is, I'm deserving.

Maybe its just time that we cut the ties and see how long you last with out my help?  See, that is where they have me.  Because I will never be that person.  The one who won't help you out.

So, I just go back to being heartbroken.

Goddess, Light this Path for me.  Show me that being the extraordinary person that I am is not being exploited.  Show me that the misdoing is not mine, or rather, that the misdoing is that I care too much.

Blessed Be