Your First Birthday not here...

Happy Birthday. I miss you so much. If there is any lesson that I have learned in your going on, it is that where you are now, there is no pain, no suffering and you are whole and well.  It is much harder for those left behind in the wake of you, but we will carry on.
Today makes 60 yrs. For most of us here, that is young. Too young to have to leave.  It still makes me feel sad to think that your time was cut short. Sometimes, good people have greater demand elsewhere. You gave us all you could, in wisdom, while you were here. I have to believe that it will help get us through. Just that sometimes, the thought of just sitting with you for a few minutes would make everything better.
It's hard to transition my thoughts as a human to know that you are never far from me now, ever. Your physical form is missed so much.
I love you so much. I'm so Grateful for you. I'm so honored that you are my dad. That you loved me with all my flaws.  That I was special to you, that I was worth it.  That you told me that all the time.  That you made sure that I knew how much you loved me.
I think that is my biggest regret, that I can't spend the rest of your years here telling you the very same things. How much I love you, even with all your flaws.  How special you are to me, how much I love you and am so very Grateful that you gave me what you could.  I just hope beyond hope that you hearing me now. We were so good about telling eachother we loved eachother.  You and I were good about it.  Maybe is was the distance, the understanding of being apart. Both.  Maybe.
Living in grief is a difficult state, with Grattitude I hope to find a less painful way to understand our loss of you.  Everyday is a lesson learned, it was when you were here and should be still.  You would want it that way.
I love you Dad.