In the middle of texting my husband today, I realized another truth about my life. So many years, I have wondered what it really is that I was put on this earth to do. I was to be his wife, be Nae's mom, be the eldest sister to my sisters. We walk in circles for the better part of our 20's trying to figure out who we are, society telling us "you better figure it out, and don't take so long."
Not all of us can be the precious cargo, some of us are the ones that keep that cargo safe and put together. As we age, a "wising" seems to occur. We grow patience, courage, knowledge, understanding. Then, there are others who are born enlightened.
For many who knew my husband as a boy or a teen even, they are probably thinking that I'm a little on the nuts-O side. Yet, if you take a minute now, spend an hour or so with Hubby, you would see it too.
I know now, that my path was to cross his so that I could learn from him. Its in the way he looks at things, a completely different angle than I ever would. (Thank the Goddess for that!) There have been so many times that my temper, insecurity, guilt would have led me to lash out with hurtful things.
Enter, Running things past Travis. I always start that conversation with, " Okay, I have to vent..... am I blowing this out of proportion??" Mr Calm and Collected, "No, your valid in the way you feel, have you ever thought about it this way though? .....
Yes, this is when that "Ah ha" moment enters. Its such a completely different way of looking at the situation that I can't even be mad anymore. That emotion blows right through me. Awe and wonder take its place. One, for my hubby... "How does he do that?!" Two for the shear realization of what he said, to look at it this way instead of that.
He is constantly doing that, things of enlightenment I will find, take to him and he will calmly say, "yeah, that makes sense, or I can see how that would be."
A frustration came up today in our texting , not one of mine...one of his. I KNOW!! He hardly ever complains....about anything. So I knew that this was something really bothering him.
We have had our fair share of REALLY hard knocks. The list is probably very similar to so many other both couples and singles in this world right at this moment.
What I admire about my husband is his unspoken oath to take and leave everything in the now. He rarely lets anything last past bedtime in a upset state. I willingly try to do the same thing.
We love whole hearted, and let go of sadness and hate fast. It has been a bumpy road to understanding, but one so rewarding and simple it makes me wonder why we didn't get it sooner than we did.
Dawned on me today that I have him and Nae to keep safe. The treasures they hold and gift willingly to those who will listen will be priceless lessons.
I told him today that he was where he is for someone to learn from him just like I learn form him. He isn't a gloating man, he knows that there is a lesson in everything for him too. Yet, I believe that even with all his bumps and bruises in life. His friends, his true friends know how much they learn from him too.
That enlightenment is hard to get him to see, Life Experience is what he would call it. Whatever you want to call it, I'm going to keep learning, with every breath.
I am not the precious cargo, he and Naenah are, I'm the one who keeps it safe.
